The Potion
by ChaosBurnFlame
Summary: Akane's cooking has been steadily improving, but even so, strange things happen when you include a magical potion in the recipe. Co-written by the Tail Kinker.
1. Chapter 1

* * *

"Dammit, Ranma!" Akane scowled at the pigtailed martial artist. "Fight me for real!"

Ranma dodged deftly, only a hair's distance between his face and Akane's fist. "Why should I? Honestly, you're gettin' faster."

Akane paused. "Was that--" She shook her head, her scowl returning in force. "You're just trying to distract me!"

"I doubt that," Ranma said, his head tilting side to side. "Once yer focused, it's hard to shift it."

"Are you calling me single-minded?"

"And unbalanced!" Ranma grinned.

"You arrogant jerk!" She lunged, badly over-extending, and Ranma grabbed her wrist. A quick pivot, and she found herself flipping head over heels to land on her backside.

Ranma bent his head over hers, smiling. "See, if your left foot was firmly rooted, that wouldn'ta happened."

Akane seethed. Bloody, arrogant, pig-headed-- She smirked, then leaped forward, her lips brushing his.

Ranma leaped back, an expression of shock on his face. "Wh--Akane!"

She pivoted on one hand, her foot sweeping out and knocking his legs out from under him.

"Hey, no fair!" Ranma shouted.

"Come on, Ranma. You remember the bet," Akane stated. "I'll get dinner started."

"Just remember, ya already beat me once," said Ranma. "Ya don't need ta poison me, too."

"I just may surprise you again."

"Hmph." Ranma crossed his arms, and followed her from the dojo. "I'll admit, you're gettin' better at cookin', too. Now it just tastes like toxic pig swill. Quite an improvement."

* * *

"Let's see...what goes well with pork?" Akane was digging through the cupboard looking for some ingredients to add to her curry. She picked up an older looking sake bottle that has a rich, dark liquid inside. A quick pull of the plug and a cautious sniff revealed a rich, savory smell coming from the bottle. "Did Kasumi make some sort of homemade sauce?" She examined the label. "No..this isn't Kasumi's handwriting...not to mention, I think that this bottle is older than Kasumi."

She thought back to the recipe in her mother's cookbook. "Onions, peppers, red beans--I wonder if white kidney beans will work as well?" She fretted. She knew she was getting better, but it was because she was willing to actually follow the recipes.

Akane turned her attention back to the bottle. Steeling herself, she dabbed her fingertip and tasted the liquid. "Hmm, sweet." She weighed the options and decided to add the sauce to her recipe. It called for a sweet soya sauce, and she was pretty certain this was soya...

Well, as long as she measured it right, it should work.

Akane poured the bottle's contents into a measuring cup, seeing it filled the exact amount needed for the recipe. She paused, then added a bit more. "It's good. A bit more won't hurt."

* * *

"'Bout time," said Ranma. "Smells great."

"Really?"

"Well, it doesn't smell like mustard gas."

"It's fine," she said. "Look, I'll prove it to you." She set the serving bowl down on the table, and dropped a ladle-full on her own plate. Then scooped a generous portion into her mouth.

His eyes widened, and he swallowed hastily. "Strong sauce."

"Oh, no...I messed up again?"

"Naw. It's good. I don't mind a strong sauce...what sort is this?"

"Oh, a chef has to keep her secrets," Akane said with a grin, eating another spoonful herself.

"Damn...I didn't think I'd ever say anythin' like this, but...More?"

"Of course," Akane beamed as she plated a second serving.

"I think you're gettin' better at martial arts, too..." He paused to shovel another spoonful into his gob. "Ya gave me quite a workout today."

"But you still won't hit me," griped Akane.

"We'll talk 'bout that later."

"Why can't we talk about it now?" Akane pressed as she finished her second plate.

"Because..." Ranma started, his own plate empty again. "Uggh..." Ranma grabbed his forehead.

"Ranma?"

"Maybe it was just a..." He shook his head. "A slow poison?"

"Hey now!" she bristled before grabbing her own forehead. "Uh... suddenly I'm feeling very dizzy...."

"Mebbe ya...overdid it on...workout?" He shook his head. "Naw...I guess...the sauce...was it a sake?"

"No... at least I don't think so..."

Suddenly, Ranma doubled over, wincing. "God...hurts..."

"Ranma..." She stood up, staggered towards them. Then the pain hit her as well. She keeled forwards, dimly aware of him trying to catch her, before everything went black.

* * *

Ranma stirred slowly, his head mostly clear. The first thing he noticed was he's changed into his cursed form. _Not unexpected around here,_ he noted to himself. He slowly sat up when he realized there was someone's head resting on his lap.

Ranma looked down and saw a strange young man's head resting on his lap. The rest of this person seemed to be dressed in a yellow gi and seemed to be totally out of it.

"Who the hell is this?" Ranma pushed the guy back, and looked him up and down. The man's head falls off his lap, hitting the tatami mat lightly. The face was oddly familiar, a real pretty-boy type. The hair cut certainly looked a little girly. _Wait a minute,_ Ranma thought, bending his head down, studying the face closer. _Definitely familiar,_ he mused. _Looks like...One of Soun's family?_

Ranma grabbed the man's shoulder and shook lightly. "Hey, uh, guy, wake up."

"Unnh." The man rolled over, away from him, and pulled his legs up towards his chest. "Five more minutes, Kasumi-neechan..."

_Oh no..._ he thought. "Akane?"

It all fit. The yellow gi - Well, that didn't fit him too well. The hair - a pageboy cut was *not* what most guys would favour. And Akane had keeled over at the same time he had.

_Did ya cook that curry with Jushenkyou water?_ No, that made no sense...he'd woken up in girl form, after all.

Akane got up slowly. "I'm aching all over. What happened?" She stopped as soon as she started. "Wait, my voice... my body!" she screamed, looking down at herself.

"I was just tryin' ta figure that out myself," said Ranma. "Since this happened just after we ate your curry, I guess that had somethin' to do with that. What did ya put into it?"

"Just normal ingredients!" Akane shouted, then silently added, _and whatever was in that sake bottle..._

"Sake bottle?" Ranma asked. Akane's eyes went wide.

"I didn't say that!"

"I know that," said Ranma. "Ya said it wasn't sake, but ya weren't sure." _I suppose I should be grateful it wasn't linseed oil,_ he mused.

"And why would I be using linseed oil?!" Akane shouted back.

"Who said anythin' about linseed oil?" Ranma paused. "Wait...I was thinkin' about it...Where did you get that sake bottle?" Ranma asked. _Hopefully not from any Amazons,_ he thought.

"Oh, like Cologne would just let me waltz in, grab whatever I wanted, and leave," Akane shot back verbally.

_Thought so,_ mused Ranma. Aloud, he said, "Okay, Akane, I believe it. But I want you to try somethin', okay? Just try thinkin' somethin' at me."

Akane closed her eyes. "Alright..." _Why won't you hit me?_ she questioned Ranma mentally.

Ranma closed his eyes and thought back. _Not tough enough to take a real hit. Maybe four or five months._

"What the hell is going on?" shrieked Akane. Her male voice sounded distinctly odd at these registers.

Ranma stood up. "Let's calm down and change." He walked into the kitchen and heated a kettle. In a few minutes, Ranma poured the hot water on himself, feeling his body shift instantly. His eyes on Akane, he saw her form ripple and change as well.

A fact that wasn't lost to Akane. _Somehow I got connected to his curse!_ she thought loudly.

"No kiddin'," said Ranma. "An' I guess we can hear each other think, as well."

"I wonder how deeply," Akane mused, closing her eyes. "Ranma, let's see if we can go past just thinking at each other."

"What d'ya have in mind?"

"Close your eyes for starters," Akane said. "We've both studied meditation before."

"Uh..." Ranma scratched his head. "I didn't do so well, but I never seen you doin' it."

"I do know how," snapped Akane. _Besides, you don't know what I do in my bedroom at night._

Ranma couldn't help picturing what Akane might be doing in her room at night, and Akane reddened at the thought-picture.

"Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself," she snapped.

Ranma sat on the floor in a full lotus. "All right, all right." He closed his eyes and started breathing slowly.

Akane watched her fiancee. _Well, if he's going to take this seriously... _She sat across from him, assuming the same position and breathing.

"Of course I'm takin' it seriously," snapped Ranma.

"Focus on the breathing, Ranma," Akane quipped. _And he says I'm easy to distract..._

Ranma decided to not answer the bait and focused on emptying his mind. To anyone else that would walk into the kitchen, the sight of Ranma and Akane sitting, facing each other, meditating, would be a strange sight.

To any outside viewer, only a few minutes passed before the two opened their eyes again. The smile on both their faces was unmistakeable however.

"It felt like weeks..." Akane said.

"I feel much better now..." Ranma said as he slowly stood up.

"So what the hell do we do now?" Akane scowled. "I've got your curse now, and it looks like we can't change independantly."

"We'll keep the 'line' open. If we can warn one another, we will," Ranma answered.

"Oh, right." She glared up at him. "Like you ever get warning. Hell, half the time, it happens and you don't even realize it!"

Ranma shrugged. "It's not that bad, but like I said, talk to Kasumi about the haircut."

"I will, don't worry." Akane bit her lip. _Though I don't know how she's gonna react to this..._

"She's understanding," Ranma said, picking up the dishes left on the table.

"Stay out of my head!" Akane grabbed her head between her hands. "How the hell am I going to have any privacy?"

"Hey, we had an agreement, Akane! As long as we're like this, things have to be accounted for."

"I know, but...sometimes, I don't want to hear what you're thinking, and I sure as hell don't want you to hear _me!_"

Ranma turned around, dishes in hand. "Then stop looking at my butt as I'm picking stuff up."

Akane turned beet red, and looked down at the floor. Ranma turned back, and headed towards the kitchen. Even with a wall between them, she could still hear a mental murmer from him.

_Didn't ask to be readin' her thoughts, didn't really want it. Especially when she's thinkin' about--well, let's just say she ain't got any room to be callin' me a pervert._

"Ranma, alright. I think we both know..." Akane started, only to be cut off.

"Don't say it out loud..." Ranma interrupted. _It embarasses me,_ he added mentally.

_It shouldn't,_ she admonished.

"We can talk about it again tonight," he said. "after our sparring session."

"Do you think it's safe to spar like this?"

"You're the one that set it as a condition."

"I mean..." She shook her head. "This is all still so new...maybe we should get used to it first?"

Ranma paused - at least, she heard him stop moving around the kitchen. "Get used to it...good idea."

She heard the water running in the sink.

"Oh no! Not yet!" Akane screamed as she felt herself change.

Ranma came out of the kitchen, the cold water still dripping from her hair. "Sorry, what was that?"

Akane glared at Ranma. "I hate you..."

"No you don't," Ranma answered cockily.

She grinned evilly, and thought, _No, I don't...and how would you react to me telling everyone at school?_

Ranma's face turned as red as his hair. "You made your point."

_For that matter,_ she continued remorselessly, _we know we can send images along this wavelength. How about this one..._ She conjured an image of herself, in her male form, bending his female form over the table and--

"OK OK!" Ranma cried out. _Maybe later... no wait! Don't think that!_

_Pervert._ She giggled, then switched back to speaking out loud. "So are you going to behave?"

"Yeah, I'll ask your permission next time."

"Good boy." She paused in thought. _I wonder if this...effect, or whatever it is...works over a long distance._

"Good thing to try out," said Ranma.

"Ack! I keep forgetting!"

"So will I. We haveta give a few 'freebies.'"

"Well, since we've thought of it now...do you want to see how far apart we can get and still hear each other?" Akane chuckled. "I know already that walls don't matter."

"I run one direction, you run the other?" Ranma suggested.

"Sure, but _after_ I get a haircut..." Akane said, then added, _since I look so 'girly', right?_

"A bit of hot water will fix that," he said. _After all, that haircut makes her look so damn cute in girl form--Ack!_

"You really want to try that one fix we were thinking of, don't you?" she teased, pushing the still warm kettle over to Ranma.

Ranma picked up the kettle, then paused. _We might as well see if this works both ways..._ He poured the kettle over her head.

And suddenly, the two of them shifted. "Ack! How can you stand that on your head so suddenly?!" Akane screamed.

"Long practice," he said.

"Okay. Now that I'm a girl again..." She stood up. "I'm going to go out by the koi pond. You stay here."

Ranma stood still and waited a full minute. _Hey, you still on the line?_ he thought.

_Yeah, and clear as ever,_ Akane answered mentally.

_Okay, that's about what? Fifteen shaku?_

_Five meters, yeah. Let me go out to the gates._

_If you want, we can do balance and stretching exercises today, and sparring later in the week,_ Ranma mentally suggested.

_Umm, sure, yeah,_ Akane responded, walking out the gate. _Are you trying to make conversation?_

A mental shrug could be felt, as well as, _Well, yeah, seems better than just saying 'Can you hear me now?' over an' over again._

_Okay, which way should I go now?_

_I'm going around to the back gate now,_ he said. _Then I'll head towards Ucchan's._

_I will know if you eat anything, so don't you dare. Not after what she did,_ Akane warned.

_Noted,_ he answered, a tinge of fear being transmitted as well.

_Oh, my God. Is he really so afraid of me?_

_It's not about that...I'm afraid of you being upset._

_Oh, this is going to take a lot of getting used to._

_No kiddin'. By the way, you should head towards the school. Right now, you're headin' towards the Nekohanten, an' I don't think that's such a hot idea right about now._

Akane stopped cold. _You can see what I see?!_

_Only if you're thinkin' real hard about it, and right now, you're thinkin' enough about it for me to see which way you're goin'._

_Have to remember to not do that when I'm bathing,_ Akane thought, then changed her direction. _And do_ not _answer that if you want to sleep comfortably tonight._

_Nothin' like it crossed my mind,_ he thought. _Won't be able to avoid it...just have to be ready to deal with the consequences._

_Think that works for all our senses?_

_If it does, that would make some things very interestin'..._

_Let's try it._ She spotted the old woman working on cleaning her flagstones, and stepped up closer to her. "Good afternoon, Ma'am."

_Wow... I can hear and smell and taste.... wow, so you_ can _taste what you cook. Always wondered...._

_Wait--You're digging into my_ memories _as well?_

"Good afternoon, Akane," said the old woman. "Out for a stroll?"

She discovered that it was difficult to rant at Ranma whilst carrying on a reasonably polite conversation. "Yes...it looks like it'll be a pleasant evening."

_No no, the aftertaste in your mouth, Akane. It's pretty strong..._

Akane fumed, but accepted it.

The old woman smiled a knowing smile. "Oh, finally work out things with your fiancee?"

_Wait, you talk to her about us?_

"Well, I think we understand each other a bit better today," she said. _Quiet, Ranma. I can't have two conversations at once!_ Akane hissed in her mind.

"Oh, I see! Youth..."

"And boys don't mature as fast as we do."

_HEY!_

_Shut up, I said..._

"Well, he seems a nice young man, even despite his odd little problem."

"Oh, I understand that a bit better too," Akane answered.

"Well, be sure you keep you two 'understanding each other' with proper protection," the older woman warned.

_Wait, is she thinking that we've...?_

_I said_ quiet! Akane screamed in her mind. _I don't want to say one thing and think another._

"We haven't been doing anything like that, ma'am." Akane forced herself to smile.

"Oh, well, that's good to hear." She dipped her ladle into the bucket and tossed another splash of water onto the flagstones.

Akane took a cautious step back. "Well, I need to continue my jog. Thank you, ma'am."

"Have a nice night, dearie."

Akane started jogging towards the school. _Where are you now?_

_Sure I can answer? Or am I just gonna get screamed at again?_

She giggled. _Yes, you can answer._

_I'm on the roof of Ucchan's. Thought it was the best way to get the distance without seein' her_

_We need to talk to her,_ Akane thought as she got to the gates of the school.

_I agree. I know me an' Pops owe her a lot, but I just can't see marryin' her._ Another drop in his mental voice, as though he wasn't trying to broadcast to her. _She's cute an' all, but she just wants to tie me down to her restaurant._

_The fact that she destroyed our wedding isn't something you feel we need to discuss with her?_

_I'm not eatin' her food anymore, and she's not invited to the next one. Isn't that enough?_ Ranma then realized his slip. _Umm, that is if there is a next..._

_A next one...thanks to our idiot fathers, there's going to be one,_ she mused. _Even if I rejected him - which I never would - our fathers would force him to marry Nabiki or Kasumi._

_What, you think we can't have one without 'em? They don't haveta be invited either!_

_Huh?_ She stopped, befuddled. _Wait--I was broadcasting again, wasn't I? What do you mean?_

_A wedding,_ Ranma thought pointedly. _You, me, an' a priest. Since we're on the subject, might as well get it over with._

_Get it over with? Do you think it's a_ chore? She shook her head. _And who said we're getting married?_

_You did, when you said you would never reject me._

_I can't keep any secrets from you, can I?_

_Isn't that part of the vows? Or did I misunderstand? Anyways, might as well get the guest list done..._

She was starting to feel a little light-headed. _Perhaps...maybe we can discuss that some other time. Right now, I think we should figure out more about our current problem._ She looked up, realizing that she was at the school.

_Akane... you hate ceremonies as much as I do!_ Ranma nearly cried with glee mentally.

_Now is not the time to be discussing this!_ She shook her head. _I'm at the school. There's almost a kilometer between us right now, and I can still hear you fine._

_I'm almost relieved,_ Ranma thought.

_Almost?_

_This means, no matter what, I'm not alone._

The sudden wave of emotion from him threatened to overwhelm her. Ten years of constant wandering, never having a place to call home, never having a friend for more than a few days...

_Oh, Ranma...I never realized..._

_Let's head back, get you that haircut, then we can get your balance perfected,_ he stated.

_Kasumi won't be back for another hour,_ she thought. Then glanced up at the clock on the school tower. _Make that twenty minutes...I lost track of time._

_Are you suggestin' something?_

_Yes, but only that I lost track of time!_ She scowled, though he wasn't there to see it. _We'd better make sure we're in our normal forms before she gets there._

_We already are._

_Are you forgetting the water magnet factor?_

_Oh...I'll put a kettle on._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

The kettle started to whistle merrily, and Ranma grinned. "About time." He picked it up, then paused. "Yo, Akane. Okay to switch back?"

_Yes please,_ his fiancee thought back to him.

"We're the only ones here, we can talk," Ranma pointed out.

_I know, but it's fun,_ Akane thought back with a smile.

"Yeesh...ya really need to get a hobby." Ranma dumped the kettle over his head, resuming his male form.

_But think about it, only we can hear each other like this. We can say whatever we want._ Akane adjusted the belt on her clothes again after her form shifted.

"I already say whatever I went, whenever I want," Ranma responded.

"No you don't," Akane said with a knowing look.

"Well, ya got a point." Mentally, he added, _I can't say what I really think of her, without her callin' me a pervert--I mean--_

"See?" Akane chuckled.

"We're home!" Kasumi's voice announced from the entranceway.

"Good, they're here." Ranma wiped the remnants of the water out of his hair. "I'll be in the dojo while you get yer haircut."

"I hope you like it," Akane said with a smile. "But no peeking, I want it to be a surprise."

"Ain't we had enough surprises? Besides, I can see what you see, right?"

_I can't see my own head,_ thought Akane. Out loud, she said, "Scoot! I need to talk to Sis."

"All right, all right," Ranma growled as he walked towards the dojo. "We, uh, can still 'talk' during the haircut, right?"

"If you're good. Get!"

Ranma smiled and disappeared from sight.

"Sis! I'm glad to see you." Akane ran up to her older sister. "I need to...well, tell you about something."

"Can it wait?" Kasumi was juggling three bags of groceries. "I need to get these put away."

"I'll take care of that," said Nodoka. "I'm sure Akane needs your assistance more than I." She took the bags from Kasumi - in addition to her own two bags, it made for a substantial load - and staggered towards the kitchen.

"I need a haircut..." Akane said in a rather embarassed fashion.

"Akane, it's good that you're interested in trying new styles, but couldn't it have waited for a few minutes?"

"You don't understand." She sighed. "I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. You see, something happened today, and...well, I'm afraid I've picked up a curse."

Kasumi looked at her blankly.

"A Jushenkyou curse," Akane clarified.

"I assume it's a male-type curse?" asked Kasumi. "I would think that if it were an animal-type curse, you wouldn't be concerned about hairstyle."

Akane only nodded. "So, before we go into specifics, I would really feel better about getting my hair... adjusted."

Kasumi sighed. "Well, I can understand that...your current haircut would look unflattering on any man...can you please switch to your male form, so I can see what sort of haircut we should consider?"

"You're taking this awfully calmly, Sis."

"Would you prefer I was screaming like crazy and running around? That certainly wouldn't help the situation or my sister," Kasumi pointed out with a smile.

_Get ready, Ranma,_ Akane thought as she readied a cup of water, dumping it on her head.

_Thanks for the warnin', Akane. This balance kata woulda crashed and burned if I'd changed in the middle of it._

Kasumi blinked, and took a step back as Akane shifted. "Oh, my..." She grinned. "At least you become a handsome fellow. You almost look like Tofu-sensei."

"Really? I'm actually not as built as I'd hoped," Akane admitted.

"You hoped?" both Kasumi and Ranma asked, in an almost jarring stereo.

"Let's just say ever since Ranma came into my life, I wondered what a male Akane would be like," Akane admitted, her face red hot.

"Well, Tofu-sensei might not be the most physically impressive man around, but he has a hidden strength that most people can't even approach." Kasumi pulled a chair from the corner. "Now, sit down. I think that, since you bear a passing resemblance to him, we can make your hair look a bit like his - we won't need to remove very much to manage that - and it will still look acceptable in your female form." She paused. "You didn't do this on purpose, did you?"

* * *

_Okay, Ranma, you can come in now,_ Akane thought.

_Finally!_ Ranma responded in turn. He was already back to male form, as Akane had changed back after her haircut was finished.

"How do I look?" Akane had a bright smile on her face, but Ranma could hear the undercurrent of worry. And as a result, for once in his life, he was able to say the right thing:

"Ya look gorgeous."

Akane smiled. _Good, you're learning._

"Now, could you two please sit down? I would like to hear the entire story," Kasumi invited.

"Of course, sister," Akane responded, taking her seat, as did Ranma.

"Now. What did you two do that resulted in my baby sister getting a curse." Kasumi's face held a mild scowl. This, of course, would have been a full-blown Demon Head had it been Soun.

"Nothin', at least not anything I know about." Ranma's answer was complete and honest.

_Let me handle this,_ Akane thought.

"It most likely wasn't Ranma's fault." Akane looked her sister right in the eye. "It was probably something I did, though we're still trying to figure that out."

At that moment, Nodoka walked into the living room, holding an empty sake bottle, a look of panic on her face. "What happened?"

"Oh, Akane got a Jushenkyou curse," said Kasumi. "We still don't know how or why."

"No, I mean this." Nodoka held up the bottle.

"Oh, were they drinking? That would explain a lot."

"This didn't hold sake!" Nodoka's hands were trembling.

"A potion?" Ranma completed, aloud.

"Yes!" Nodoka dropped the bottle on the table. "A very potent potion. Fifty millilitres are enough for two people. This bottle held ten doses - half a litre! And it's all gone!" She stared at the two in shock. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Oh, we have a good idea," Akane answered. "But please, Auntie, tell us what the potion was intended to do."

"It is intended to allow two people to become closer, by allowing them to sense one another's emotions," said Nodoka. She sat down - nearly dropped - in front of them. "It also allows them to hear each other's thoughts, if they think hard enough on them. One dose lasts roughly a year, but the duration - and the intensity of the effect - increase with the square of the doses."

Ranma frowned. "You mean, if we took ten doses, it'll last ten years?"

"No!" Akane scowled at him. "You need to pay attention in math class. She's saying it'll last a hundred years!"

"100 years?" Ranma's eyes widened considerably. "That would explain how things like the curse transferred over as well..."

"Oh! So she received your curse because of the potion!" Kasumi nodded. "That would make sense."

"It does?"

"Yes," said Nodoka. "The effects of the potion are a hundred times stronger. You two will share dreams, will be able to use the other's senses...actually, the book I got this recipe from doesn't really detail what happens if a couple takes ten doses. Nobody was crazy enough to try it...until now."

"We didn't intend for this to happen. I was looking for a seasoning sauce."

"Well, you found a doozy," grumbled Ranma. "An' here your cookin' was gettin' better."

Akane scowled, and visualized a mallet crushing his skull.

Ranma frowned. _I got the picture._

"Are you two... talking?" Nodoka asked, watching their faces.

"Sorry, Mom. Yeah, we were." Ranma sighed. "An' it's gonna take some gettin' used to."

"Well, are you two... closer?" Nodoka's voice had a hint of hope, as if there could be a glimmer in this whole screw-up.

"I've managed to avoid gettin' brained once or twice," admitted Ranma. "But I've also managed to tick her off a few extra times, 'cause I keep forgettin' she can hear what I think."

"He's getting better," said Akane. "And I--Wait. _You_ made this potion?"

"A wife's foolish attempt to get closer to her husband," Nodoka admitted. "I realised, thankfully before trying it, that loving someone and wanting to know someone are two different things."

"Why didn't you try it, Auntie?"

Nodoka bit her lip. "I...decided that I'd already learned enough about my husband that I did not want to be forced to read his thoughts."

"Thank the Kami for that," muttered Ranma.

"I think we should keep this a secret," Akane stated.

"There are certain aspects of this that we cannot keep secret," Kasumi pointed out. "Such as your curse."

"Oh, yeah, that's gonna be a problem." Ranma frowned. "Maybe there's an antidote?"

"There might be, but I no longer have the book," said Nodoka. "It was destroyed when my house was wrecked."

"How did the potion survive, then?" asked Akane.

"It was in a wooden box, in the basement."

"Lucky us," grumbled Ranma.

"The story we will tell for now is that Akane got hit with some cursed water that dropped from a plane," Kasumi suggested.

Everyone present looked at her like she grew a second head.

"Do you think anyone would doubt the story enough to give it serious scrutiny?"

"Naw," said Ranma. "This is Nerima, after all. An' it don't matter what story we give Kuno. He'll just assume that Akane's under a new, vile spell of the Dark Sorceror Saotome."

"Or he'll refuse to believe that my boy side and girl side are the same, and will declare war on my boy side," giggled Akane.

"And then Kodachi will fall in love with your guy side."

Akane shuddered. "Let's not discuss that."

"There is one other effect of the potion," Nodoka said. "You two need to sleep next to each other for the first night."

"WHAT!?" Both of them jumped up, and continued to shout in stereo. "If you think I'm sleeping in the same bed as that pervert/tomboy, you're crazy."

"You two can die if you don't" Nodoka continued, her face serious.

_No funny business,_ Akane thought clearly.

_Hey, I wasn't the one thinking of bendin' me over the table and..._ Ranma shot back.

"Are you serious?" gasped Kasumi.

"As a heart attack," confirmed Nodoka. "Their dreams will be very disturbed, because they'll be affecting each others' dreams. If they aren't close enough to touch, they might find themselves lost - or even dead - in their dreams. And this can cause a heart attack, or stroke, or...well, unpleasant things. And since they took ten doses..." Oddly, she smiled. "They'll have to spend the next hundred days sleeping together!"

"An' why exactly are ya happy with this?" said Ranma angrily.

"I always wanted grandchildren." Nodoka's answer was sincere.

Ranma grabbed the glass of water from the table, and dumped it over his head. "Well we can both sleep as girls, and then..." He trailed off as the flaw in his plan became apparent.

"Dope," said Akane.

Nodoka's lips pursed primly. "I do want my first grandchild to be my son's child, not my daughter's."

"Like I'd ever--" Ranma stammered, then blinked. "Wait..._First?_ You mean you expect me to..."

A sudden image of himself, pregnant, with Akane the happy father, crossed his mind. And he wasn't certain if he'd imagined it, or her.

"It may do a man some good to understand a woman's pride and pain." Nodoka stated.

_She just wants lots of grandkids,_ thought Ranma. _That's why she never did anythin' to end the various engagements...more brood mares._

_Are you calling me a brood mare?_ thought Akane dangerously.

_No!_ he answered quickly. _Yer my...my..._ Even mentally, Ranma wasn't one for eloquence.

_Fiancee?_ suggested Akane.

_I'd say a bit more than that. But yeah. It's Mom that's thinkin' of ya as breedin' stock, same as she thinks of me. An' probably Ukyo, Shampoo an' maybe even Kodachi._

_Well, they can't have you._

_They never did._

"Son, it's not polite to do that in front of us," Nodoka pointed out, looking at the young couple staring at each other.

"It ain't polite to suggest that yer son get knocked up, either," snapped Ranma. "Or to discuss our sex life - or lack thereof - in front of us. That's seriously creepy."

"I understand, son." Nodoka hung her head down. "I hope you can forgive your mother."

_Tell her you understand, and you're sorry for snapping at her._

_Are ya nuts? Then she'll think she's got a free license to bug us._

_It's the manly thing to do._

Ranma sighed. "Sorry for tearin' your head off, Mom. But that sorta discussion is somethin' I don't wanna have with ya."

Akane gave him a mental nudge.

"I--I kinda see where you're comin' from with it, but it's somethin' that Akane an' me need to discuss, on our own."

_You see? You_ can _be taught!_

Nodoka brought her head back up. "Thank you, son." She took an exaggerated look at a clock on the wall. "It is getting late. Kasumi, wouldn't you say it's time for us to prepare for bed?"

"I suppose...but I want a good soak in the furo first." She glanced over at the older woman. "Would you care to join me?"

"Yes, I think I shall." Nodoka glanced back at Akane and Ranma. "Remember, you need to be close enough to touch. And I'd suggest bringing Ranma's futon into Akane's room. A single bed will be too small for both of you; one of you will end up knocked off the bed."

"Ranma's futon will be even smaller," complained Akane.

"Yes, but then you won't have as far to fall."

_She just wants us even closer together,_ griped Ranma.

_Is that such a bad thing?_

_Not terrible, no, but I'd like to make those kinds of decisions._

_Excuse me, but I think that_ we _need to make such decisions._

_That's what I meant. We're bein' pressured into this by forces outside our control._

_We'll have all night to talk about this. I'll even allow you to have a dream or two about me. Just behave for now._

Ranma was a long time in responding. Finally, he thought, _I dunno if I want ya to see the sorts of dreams I have about ya._

_Oh?_

_Yeah, because I don't wanna end up gettin malletted._

A sudden image of himself, caught halfway out of the bath, flashed through his mind. It was Akane's perspective, and he was certain it was from their first meeting, when she'd walked into the bath on him.

_You don't want to see how this dream normally ends,_ she thought with a giggle. Then, fainter, _Or rather, I don't want him to see it..._

_We're both perverts, aren't we?_

_Doctor Tofu told me once that we're just healthy. Hormones at work._ She paused. _Though, I'll admit that I'm not as pure and innocent as I've pretended..._

He sent another thought winging back at her, of his female form walking in on her male form exiting the furo.

She giggled in response - out loud, at that. Dope. _If I were in the furo, I'd be a girl, right? And you'd be a guy._

_We'll continue this discussion in bed._

She shivered. _I really don't know if this is such a good idea._

_But Mom said--_

_You think she's maybe lying? After all, she wants grandchildren._

_I wouldn't risk your safety because_ it might _be a lie._

_Good point._ She sighed. _All right. But you're wearing pants to bed, and if you touch anything without permission, I'll break your fingers off. At the shoulder._

_What does it take to get permission?_

She grinned. _A ring on my finger. Nothing less. And I won't accept a proposal until_ after _you clean up the mess with the fiancees._

_First thing tomorrow, we start._

* * *

Akane sat bolt upright, gasping for air. Her heart still hammered in her chest.

_Oh, God, I hope he doesn't remember that dream._

There was only silence on the Ranma band; he was still out cold. She reached down and shook his shoulder. "Yo. Rise and shine."

Ranma cracked one eye open. "Five more minutes..." He pulled his knees up to his breasts. Akane realized with a start that they were in their cursed forms.

"Didn't we go to sleep in our regular forms?"

"Hunh?" Ranma sat up, and frowned. "Yeah, we did. So when did we switch?"

"Maybe it's a side effect of sleeping. I'll be right back." Akane ran downstairs, and into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Akane." Kasumi was, of course, already up and hard at work.

"Morning, Sis. There a kettle on?"

"Yes. I hope there's enough hot water in it for both of you."

"I think there will be," she said with a giggle. She lifted the kettle and dumped it over her head. "Thanks!"

"You're most welcome."

She stepped into the bathroom, and pulled off her pajama top. She glanced at the mirror as she did so.

_Ranma! Get down here, quick!_

Ranma ran into the bathroom, still groggy. "What is it? Man, I think you busted an eardrum..."

"How could I? It was a mental call?"

"Still gave me a headache...Whoa."

Akane flexed an arm, staring at it in wonder. "I must have put on five kilos of muscle, practically overnight. What do you think?"

_Nice rack..._

Akane blushed, and grabbed her pajama top. She glared at him, then dropped it. _Hardly the first time you've seen me..._ Aloud, she said, "What could cause this?"

"The potion, of course," Ranma answered. _And as for seein' em, they seem... nicer? Fuller?_

_Pervert. Keep your mind on the subject at hand._

"I dunno if you actually gained any muscle, Akane." He stepped forward and raised a hand towards her arm. "Mind if I..."

"Go ahead." _Just the arm,_ she warned mentally.

He ran two fingers along her bicep, then pinched gently. "Yeah, you ain't got any more muscles, but it seems like you're...well, just usin' them better. Directin' power better."

"Well, I feel stronger."

"Yeah, you will. An' it'll make ya stronger, too, since you're stressin' these muscles more." He paused. "I think maybe you're channellin' some of my ki, as well."

"Really? That would explain a lot. And wouldn't it be our ki now?" Akane couldn't take her eyes off herself in the mirror. Baby fat was burned off, her shape was a touch more toned, yet feminine. Under clothes someone would be hard pressed to notice the difference, but for now she felt great.

"Geez, we didn't say vows yet and yer already takin' my stuff."

She stuck her tongue out at him impishly.

"Ya might even get some of my boosted healin' rate, since that's based off of ki, as well." He considered. "That would account for the reduction in body fat." _Though I don't know why it'd make her boobs perkier..._

_I told you to stop thinking about my breasts._ "So, want to exercise?"

_Can't help it, I'm a guy. I even think about my own tits._ He shook himself, then deliberately averted his eyes. "Sure. Lemme go out to the dojo and stretch out while you get changed."

"I'll be there in a few minutes." Akane said, still looking in the mirror. Then she paused, and glanced over to him. "You've never bothered to stretch out before we sparred before? Why now?"

"Ah...I dunno." Mentally, he thought, _Because you're gonna kick my ass this time, I bet._

_I promise not to listen in during the fight._ Akane started changing, not caring that Ranma was in the room.

_It ain't that._ He stepped out, closing the door behind him. _You just got a major step up in power, and ya can't help but listen, remember? But I can bet we're gonna get a lot better results trainin' ya because of this._

* * *

The two martial artists were both laying on the dojo floor, covered in sweat, breathing hard out of exhaustion.

_Your balance needs more refinement, but your defense is solid!_ Ranma praised mentally, unable to calm his breath to form words.

_Thanks, but I think it's because I could see your attacks coming,_ admitted Akane. _Maybe I need a different sparring parter?_ A vague feeling of hurt came from him, and she quickly amended her thoughts. _Not because I don't want to spar with you, but because I can't work on my defense if I know which attacks are coming before they start._

_I have ways around that, trust me. I lost some endurance though. It sucks being at only half strength._

_Hey, we worked it out, you only lost about 28%, not half!_

_Might as well be half. If I gotta tangle with someone like Herb, I'm in deep shit._

_I'll be right there. I'm sure if we double team on someone, we can obliterate 'em now._ Akane sat up and wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Oh come on, you can't be thinking about foolish things like 'fighting fair' when they want to kill you!"

Ranma had finally recovered enough breath to speak out loud. "Naw. If they want a fight, the rule is, Anything Goes." He grinned cockily. "An' with you on my side, we can whip 'em all!"

Akane stared at him, eyes wide. "That...is probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

Ranma sat down and crossed his legs. "While we're in here, we best discuss our battle plan."

Akane looked confused, but sat across from Ranma in the same fashion. "Battle plan?"

"For dealin' with the Fiancee Front."

"Oh." She nodded. "Let's get the easy one out of the way first. What do we do about Kodachi?"

Ranma snorted. "You consider her the easy one?"

"Yes. She has no claim of honour on you."

Ranma stopped for a minute. "Get her sane."

Akane frowned.

"No no, it's not impossible. If ya think 'bout it, she has a good grasp of reality. She's just twisted."

"Very twisted. But, all right, she does seem to live in the real world...she simply doesn't care what anyone else thinks."

"But then how do we get her to care?"

"Grab her, bring her here, and keep confrontin' her until she gets it."

"Maybe it would be easier to grab her, stuff her in a crate, and ship it to Antarctica."

Akane giggled. "A very tempting idea, but I don't think it would teach her to care."

"We need help," Ranma sighed. _Maybe my mother,_ he thought.

_Oh, God, no. She'll decide that the best thing to do would be to knock her up._

_Then who do you suggest?_

_What about her idiot brother? Can we warp his delusions sufficiently?_

_That would work. We sane Kodachi up, and we send Tatewaki to the nut house._ Ranma paused. _Okay. What about Shampoo? She's crazier than a wooden watch, but if she goes home without me, she's in deep trouble with her people._

_Get her knocked out by some guy. Any guy, just not you._

_How about Ryouga?_

_He already has a girlfriend,_ Akane reminded him. _That pig-farmer girl._

_Not like he's real serious 'bout it._

_Oh, you're mean that crush he has on me?_

_You knew?!_ Ranma's eyes were wide from disbelief.

_What do you think I was, dense?_

_Not exactly dense, but...Well, okay. On that point, I did think you didn't notice._

_It was a bit obvious,_ she thought. _But that's why I was willing to help set him up with Akari. So he'd stop drooling over me._

_Well, maybe there's a loophole or somethin'. An exploit, a..._

_We'll need my sister's help._

_She still got that book of Amazon Law?_

_Even if she doesn't, she's an expert at finding loopholes._

_Okay, we'll set Shampoo aside until we can do some recon,_ thought Ranma. _Now for the tough one...Ukyo._

_What are the options? Whole or in pieces?_

_Be nice!_ he admonished her. _Remember, she was one of my first friends. An' if she'd just drop this engagement crap, she'd make a pretty decent friend to both of us._ He scowled, and looked away; when he spoke again, it was in words. "As if she really knows me...how can she? She turns up ten years later, an' I say one kind word to her, an' she's suddenly chasin' me instead of tryin' ta kill me."

"One kind word..." Akane frowned, and switched back to her mental voice. _Do you think maybe she's just...lonely?_

_That's possible. Why such the grudge? I mean, you didn't drastically change how ya feel 'bout Shampoo, but Ukyo..._

_Out of all of them, I saw the most of myself in her,_ Akane thought back. _I'm not sure why. Shampoo never surprised me. She was always Shampoo. Ukyo though, she totally changed her face when it suited her.... I can't forgive that._

_You two are a lot alike...save that Ukyo wants to tie me down to a life I couldn't stand. And yeah, you're right...she flip-flops an awful lot. Way more unstable than you._ He sighed. _But Pops an' I owe her a debt of honour, so..._

_No._ Akane shook her head. _Your father owes her father a debt of honour. You owe her_ nothing.

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by a booming voice from the doorway. "Meditating together? A sure way of growing closer!"

They glanced up, to see Genma standing over them. Ranma grinned.

_You hit him high, an' I'll hit him low._

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Ranma and Akane stood on top of Genma, both feeling triumphant. _See? Working together was perfect!_ Akane couldn't contain her glee. Together they were able to bring down a master-level martial artist.

_Lower case m for master there, Akane._

_He's better than you think, Ranma._

Ranma snorted. _No, he ain't._

_We'll talk to Nabiki now, all right?_ Akane thought. _Let me do all the talking._

_Can I make mental asides? I mean, it would help if ya knew what I thought of her ideas...an' it would help more if she didn't._

_Of course, Ranma. It's all dependant on you as well._ Akane hurried to the house. _She's my sister, of course she has to help._

_I'll be the first to admit that you're the brains of this operation. I just don't wanna get left out of any plans, is all._

She imagined a kiss to his cheek. _You know, you're awfully sweet when you're not trying not to be. Okay, I'm going to pretend to be all angry with you. Play along, and remember, I'm not really mad, okay?_

_Okay._

"That stupid Chinese bimbo of yours has a lot to answer for," Akane snapped.

Ranma shivered; she sure sounded realistically angry. "Hey, I didn't _ask_ her to show up an' start chuckin' bombs!"

Akane stormed up the stairs and into Nabiki's room, still on the pretend warpath, Ranma not far behind. "You need to do something about them, Ranma, and quick!"

_Mention her laws, Ranma._

"What can I do? She's got these stupid Amazon laws to follow, an' worse, she thinks I have to follow 'em too!"

Nabiki watched, interested. "No. I'm not helping."

"Who was askin' you for help, Nabs? You'd just charge me an arm an' a leg for some non-help that would make matters worse!"

"Ranma!" Akane whirled on him, eyes flashing. "Don't you dare talk to my sister that way!"

_Oh, she's actually a bit ticked about that...Sorry, Akane, but I gotta keep up the act, right?_

Akane turned to Nabiki now. "Look, you must know a way to solve this!"

"What, you think this can be solved with two or three phone calls? I checked, their status here is legal. Not to mention that old woman could paste all of us instantly."

Ranma snorted. "I already beat her down once."

"Only because she wasn't expecting the Neko-ken, Ranma," Nabiki reminded him. "How much would you wager she's considered it since?"

Ranma quieted down. _I hate it when she's right..._

_How many times has she been wrong?_

_That's why I hate her so much._ Aloud, he said, "Well, as usual, thanks for nothin', Nabs." He turned and stormed off.

"Wait. Something's changed between the two of you, am I right?"

Ranma turned at the door. "What makes you say that?"

"Simple. Akane wouldn't be so vehement about cleaning up your mess unless you two actually intended to marry."

"It might have slipped your mind, Nabiki, that we were within seconds of actually marrying," pointed out Akane. "Until the screwballs showed up. Do you think I would have let it go that far if I didn't want to marry him?"

"All right, let's say I believe your sincerity. That still doesn't give me a reason to help. The current arrangement, as it were, gives me plenty of opportunity to have some fun."

"And profits?" countered Ranma.

"You and your mooch of a father have done practically nothing to keep this household solvent," said Nabiki. "Do you think money grows on trees?"

_The photos--_

_Don't speak that thought, Ranma. You'll worsen our position._

_Got it._

"Ranma and I will start holding classes," Akane offered.

"That's certainly a start. And it would show how both of you are taking responsibility. What else you got?"

"Once Doctor Tofu comes back, I'm sure that Ranma's father can get his job back. If not...well, maybe he can find work elsewhere." Akane frowned. "For that matter, there's no reason Daddy can't find a job, either. He's not the wreck he used to be."

"These are all about responsibilities. But I enjoy a little of the commotion. Not all of it, but some of it."

"Ranma, go find something to do, will you? I need to have an idiot-free conversation."

He stuck his tongue out at her, then stomped off down the hall. Akane turned back to Nabiki.

"Can I come in and sit down, so we can discuss this reasonably?"

"Of course, sister. I'm a reasonable person."

Akane closed the door behind them, and sat down at Nabiki's desk, astride the back of the chair. Nabiki dropped back onto the bed.

"Okay, little sister. First off, the big question. Now that he's out of earshot...do you *really* want to marry him?"

"Yes." Akane answered quietly.

"Why?"

"Because I love him."

Nabiki shook her head. "What a stupid reason."

She bristled. "Does it help to know that under the jerk exterior, he's a very honourable and hard-working person?"

"Yes." Nabiki nodded. "Those are much better qualities for a husband."

She gaped at her. "Are you really so emotionless?"

"No. I just think that marrying for love is overrated."

"Well, if you want to marry for money, you can solve one of our problems right now."

"Oh please, do you know how cliche that is?"

_She ain't ever been in love. So of course--_

_You don't know that. Even I don't know that._

"Maybe you can divert his attention at least."

"Akane, I _might_ help you, but read my lips: I. Will. Not. Date. Kuno."

_There goes Plan B._

Akane giggled. "All right, Sis. I get the picture."

"So you have decided to clean up his fiancee mess, and you need to deal with Shampoo." Nabiki frowned. "What makes you think I can help?"

"You're outside the situation. You can look in, give a different point of view. And, let's face it, you are the smart one, Nabiki."

"Flattery is overused as a tactic," said Nabiki. "You've got something else in mind. Out with it."

"The Chinese Amazon lawbook you had."

"Loophole huh? There are a few, not many I'm sure you would like."

"Such as?"

"Number one, if Ranma is recognized not only as an amazon warrior, but as a mother, the kisses of marriage and death will be void."

_NO WAY! NO HOW!_

She couldn't help but giggle at his response. "I don't think that would work out, Sis."

"Well, all right, if Ranma can provide three fangs from an elder dragon, the marriage will be declared null, as would the kiss of death."

_Think Herb is up for some dental surgery?_

_He ain't an elder dragon._

"Finally," said Nabiki, "if another Amazon warrior were to challenge Shampoo, and defeat her, she could claim her husband as a prize."

_Hey, there's an idea._

"What does it take to become an amazon warrior?"

"Hmmm..." Nabiki flipped through her lawbook. "Being born one is one way...or an outsider woman could challenge and defeat an Amazon male. Problem there is, then she has to marry him."

"Wait, what is Ranma's current status?"

"Pursued outsider." Nabiki blinked. "Of course! If he agrees to marry Shampoo, then you beat him, you become an Amazon by default. _And_ have a claim to his hand...which could then be resolved by beating Shampoo."

"That's it." Akane stood up and cracked her knuckles. "She's kitty litter."

"But," Nabiki stated. "This all has to be done pretty much instantly. All these events within five minutes."

"Oh. And I suppose that Cologne would be adjudicating?"

"She'd have to be, to declare Ranma and Shampoo married by the laws of their tribe," said Nabiki. "That's the thing. Between Ranma's declaration, and you defeating both Ranma _and_ Shampoo, before Cologne even has time to think."

_An' let's not forget that the old Ghoul will see through it if I throw the fight. It's gotta be as real as possible._

"How would that affect Shampoo's status in her tribe?"

"Not well," admitted Nabiki. "But a hell of a lot better than if she came home without Ranma."

"How bad?"

_I thought you said you had no strong feelings about her!_

_That doesn't mean I want her to be a village leper!_

"She'd be...well, taken down a few pegs. She was village champion, according to Ranma, and she'd lose that position--if she still has it after her first failure. She'd have to win a few more battles to regain the prestige she had before." Nabiki paused, and considered. "Of course, she'd suddenly be single and available. That won't hurt her leverage at all."

"But there's still one problem...you have to be able to beat Ranma."

"Oh, that won't be a problem."

"Convincingly."

"Trust me."

_An ya gotta beat Shampoo in a_ real _fight._

_I have ideas on that, too._ Akane thought, then transmitted a very crude battle plan.

_Workable,_ Ranma admitted. _Needs refining, but workable._

"Okay. So once you two get some practice in...a _lot_ of practice..."

"We can handle the Amazons tomorrow." Akane said cockily.

"So soon?" Nabiki bit her lip. "I'd rather you wait a few more days."

"They've been around too long. I want them _gone_."

_You sure about this?_

_The longer we wait, the more likely people will learn about our... connection._

"Please, Akane. Give it a couple more days."

"Why?"

"So I can set up the betting pool, of course!"

"Tomorrow at two o'clock, everything will be going down. At three, tell Kasumi to prepare a victory meal."

_You're never this cocky, Akane!_

"You're never this cocky, Akane," echoed Nabiki. "What do you have up your sleeve?"

"I will tell you at the victory meal."

_Awright! Let's get ready to eat some pussy!_ He paused. _I mean..._

_I know what you mean, Ranma._ Akane smiled bitterly. "Next, Kodachi."

"You're on your own with her," declared Nabiki. "I've got nothing I can use on that goofy bitch."

"Your brains. Ranma suggested 'saning her up'."

"To do that would take weeks of psychoanalysis, followed by months of psychiatric treatment," said Nabiki. "I don't think we can pull it off in any reasonable time-frame, especially considering she'd have to be a willing participant. As I said, I think you're on your own." She bit her lip. "Maybe...talk to Kasumi about it."

"Kasumi would be too nice. We _need_ you."

"Have you ever considered that Kodachi might need a shot of nice?" Nabiki pointed out. "Look at the retards she lives with. The sanest person in that house is the butler, and the fact that he still works for them tells you he's got at least one screw loose."

"All right. There's one more left."

"Ukyo?" Nabiki smiled tightly. "She's the easy one."

_Not from my point of view!_

_Or mine either, Ranma. Let's hear what she has to say, all right?_

"You two have so many counter claims against hers it's not even funny. First off, didn't that food cart belong to the Gambling King, thus wasn't hers to begin with? Next, damages caused to the household during a famous exploding food attack...."

"You're talking like she will give up when presented a lawsuit."

"She might," said Nabiki. "However, I doubt she really will. She might seem to back off, then redouble when she thinks it's safe. That seems to be her pattern."

_No shit._

"No, I think that it would be better to go with a fork and a pin. Make it clear that she's got two alternatives, then make one of them really unpalatable."

"What alternatives?"

"Well, the first would be the lawsuit. To make that unpalatable, have Ranma's crazy mother make it clear that dragging such a matter into court is most unmanly." She smirked. "Given a choice between being sued _and_ having Ranma dead, or almost any other option, should force her hand nicely."

"Knowing her, she'd force our hand," Akane said bitterly.

"That's why the other option has to be very attractive. Make her go for the bait, and distract her from the hook."

"And what's her other alternative?"

"No idea."

Akane blinked. "Well, she did seem interested when she was dating Ryoga..."

_Hmm, was that really what happened at the tunnel?_ Ranma thought.

"A penniless ronin that can't hold a job or a home? She might've used him for a fling, but come on." Nabiki scowled. "He's not marriage material."

"Kuno?" Akane suggested, then laughed, hard. When she finally looked up and saw Nabiki's serious face, she balked.

"That has possibilities.... not perfect, mind you."

"Wait, Nabiki...I was joking!"

"Well, why not?" Nabiki leaned back and crossed her legs.

_Nice legs._

_Keep your perverted thoughts away from my sister!_

"She needs capital to expand her restaurant business, am I correct? Kuno has that capital. Plus, it just might get him off your case."

"I wouldn't wish Kuno on my worst enemy!"

"Well, too bad, because that's what Ukyo is right now: Your worst enemy."

_She's gotta good couplea points._

_I said, keep your--_

_Wasn't thinkin' about her boobs!_ His mental voice was somewhat frustrated. _I mean, Ukyo is the biggest problem we got right now. Kuno's probably about number four, but number one for irritation. Fight fire with fire?_

"Fine," Akane relented. "But I will see if I can get Ukyo's support for tomorrow."

"That may be dangerous. She may try to stop you."

"No she won't. She _thinks_ she has a leg up against me. If I help her get rid of Shampoo, she'll stay still, or even try to help."

_You wanna think hard about that, Akane. She thinks of you as her number one rival. Gettin' rid of the small fry, in her opinion, gives both of you a better chance. Maybe if we can somehow convince her that you takin' out Shampoo improves her chances more than yours..._

_Like the fact that you hate being forced into something? Such as being forced to marry me because of Amazon Law, the way you hate it from Shampoo?_

_That'll work._

Nabiki suddenly leaned forward. "You're talking to him right now, aren't you?"

"What? I mean... What do you mean Nabiki?"

"Your facial expression, sister. It keeps changing."

_Damn, she's sharper than even I gave her credit for. Stall?_

"If he's suggesting you stall, I suggest you don't. My support will end the second you two start lying to me? Huh? You hear that Ranma?" Nabiki stated coldly.

Akane sighed. "Okay. Yes, we've found a way to...talk...over a distance."

_What are ya doin? You're just gonna tell her everythin'?_

_Sorry, no choice._

_I guess..._

"It's a side-effect of our curse," continued Akane.

"Curse? What curse?"

_Cold water time._

Akane felt her form ripple and shift. "This curse."

"No height change...similar girl-like features....definite bishonen quality...not bad," Nabiki appraised.

"You're taking this rather calmly."

"After a year of Ranma and company, this is nothing unexpected," said Nabiki. "But how did you change with no water?"

"He changes, I change," Akane explained.

"Shared curse," observed Nabiki. "Might explain the rather girlish guy you become. Of course, you're going to have every girl in school chasing you."

"I hope not," Akane prayed. "So, as you can see, we've grown quite attached to each other."

"Joined at the cerebrum," joked Nabiki. "Okay, now for the real important question: Did this...change of minds...cause you two to decide to get married?"

"We both made that decision a while ago... it just helped us compare notes."

"And I'd take it that you don't want anyone else to know about this little trick?"

"It would force certain...factions to move."

"Fair enough," said Nabiki. She stood up, and stretched as sensuously as she could. "Well, I need to get a bath in. I'd ask you to join me, little sister, but...might not be fair to you right now."

"Why not?"

"I don't know if you could prevent Ranma from ogling my nude form...or if your currently-male hormones could resist either." She winked, and walked out of the room.

_Not thinkin' any hentai thoughts...Not thinkin' any hentai thoughts..._

_Liar._

* * *

He wasn't at all certain that he wanted his mother present during this training session. Besides the fact that she really didn't know jack squat about martial arts, the plan to dispose of Shampoo would only work if it were a surprise to as many people as possible.

His fist whistled past Akane's ear, her perfectly-timed dodge the only reason it missed. She countered with a reverse punch, which he was forced to parry, and a high kick that he dodged.

"This ain't workin', Akane." He raised a hand. "You can't help but know what I'm about to do, and vice versa."

Akane stopped and readied her guard. _Use it._

Ranma's eyes widened. _It's sealed for a reason._

_I can't use it without a lot more training. And it'll give you the edge I need._

_But you'll still be able to see what I'm doin'._

_Cologne won't know that._

_Wait...you mean, use the Umi-sen-ken to conceal my actions from her - which won't work, by the way - an' then act like I'm gettin cocky because you can't see me?_

_Yes! If you're using the Umi-sen-ken, she'll think you're bringing the battle up a notch._

_An' then you clobber me!_

_Exactly._

_Well, then we don't really need to spar any more, do we? We can switch to straight trainin'._

The two dropped their guards.

"You two done already?" Nodoka observed.

"She's gettin' better all the time," said Ranma. "We don't need to work on her defense right now. Instead, I think we should work on her offensive speed. She's kinda lackin' there."

_Hey!_

_It's true, ain't it?_

"Well, be safe, allright?" pleaded Nodoka. "We don't want Akane too hurt."

Akane ground her teeth. "I'm not made of glass, you know."

"No, you aren't, but you are a woman, and I want my daughter in law to be both strong and beautiful."

"She don't gotta work on either of those, Mom. She needs to be faster."

"All right. I will trust you on this, Ranma."

Ranma nodded, and pulled off his shirt. "Okay, Akane. Here's what we're gonna do. I'll toss this in the air, an' I wanna see how many times you can punch it before it lands on the floor. Okay?"

_You just wanted an excuse to take your shirt off._

_And you wanted an excuse to check me out._

_Fair enough._

He tossed the shirt into the air, and she stepped forward to meet it. Her fists flashed out, as fast as she could, and she scored seven direct hits and one glancing blow before it fell. As a final attack, she snapped a foot over into an axe-kick to pin the shirt to the floor.

_Looks like those new muscles are working out._

_I know!_

_But a little more speed is needed._

_What? I hit it eight times - nine, if you count the kick._

_I woulda hit it three hundred times._

_We don't have time for me to learn the Amaguriken!_

_If yer muscles are supposed to be equal to mine, half the trainin's done._

_What if I try actively drawing on your ki?_

He blinked. _Haven't you been tryin' to?_

_No, I think what happened is we got 'evened out'. Not quite the same thing._

_Well, okay. Let's give it a shot._

"You know," said Nodoka, "It's still rather impolite to be trading thoughts so obviously in front of someone else."

"Well, we might be thinking something inappropriate to say," Ranma said.

"Oh, I do hope not." But the expression on her face said something totally different, almost clearly enough that Ranma thought he could read _her_ mind. He picked up the shirt again.

"Ready?"

"Just a minute--"

He tossed the shirt in the air. She squawked, and blurred into motion, this time hitting the silk fifteen times before it fluttered to the floor.

"I said give me a minute!"

"Your opponent will not."

"Again!" Akane shouted. _You so owe me tonight._

_How do ya want repayment?_ He kicked the shirt into the air, grabbed it. "Ready?"

Akane's eyes were steeled. "Ready!"

He threw the shirt again, and this time, opened his channels and _shoved_ ki in her general direction.

The shirt was torn to pieces, little bits of silk littered the floor.

_Whoa. That worked too well. I liked that shirt. Ya musta hit it about a hundred times, an' with more than just fists._

_I think I see what you did, and I think I can draw from my own reserves now.... want to throw your pants next?_

_I doubt my mom will approve..._

_I don't doubt she_ would _approve, but not while she's in the room..._

_Now who's the pervert?_ Out loud, he said, "Ya know, that's the first time I've seen anyone spontaneously create a ki manoeuvre."

Akane grinned, and he was a bit disturbed at how feral it looked.

Ranma grabbed a towel and held it up. "Ready?"

"You bet."

He threw the towel, and again, her fists flashed out. The towel held up a little better than his shirt had, but was still torn to shreds.

"Nice work. I think you're drawin' on my Neko-ken, but without the berserker insanity part of it. If ya were to use that on--" _Shampoo_ "--a livin' target, they'd be ripped to bloody chunks of meat."

The thought made Akane shiver. "Yeah, let's hold that one in reserve."

"I think so." He paused. "You know, I'm gettin' kinda snacky. What time is it?"

Nodoka stood up. "You two are obviously planning something big."

"What makes ya say that, Mom?"

"You're making Akane polish up a move obviously designed against a hardened target. It's the Amazon, isn't it?"

Ranma paused to consider. _Should we tell her? The more people know, the more likely it is that they'll get wind of it, and then the cat's outta the bag._

"Relax, I definately want my son to marry a Japanese woman."

_That don't rule out Ukyo._

I _rule out Ukyo._

_But should we tell her?_

_She's smart enough to figure it out on her own._

"Yeah, Mom. We got a plan to remove her from the competition. But I don't really want Akane to do that by removin' large chunks of flesh from her body."

"I see. Doesn't she usually use weapons?"

"Yeah. Bonbori, giant-ass maces."

Nodoka stood up and drew her sword slowly. "Then, permit me to help ready Akane."

"Whoa." Ranma raised a hand. "Shampoo can get away with carryin' weapons, 'cause she's a gaijin, but you know it's still illegal for Akane to carry a sword to a fight."

"I have no intention of allowing her to wield this sword," said Nodoka. "At least, not until you two are officially married. I want her to feel the fear of facing a naked blade."

Akane's eyes were wide. Fear Ranma had for the honor blade was being transmitted through, and Akane could feel the cold sweat runing down her neck.

"You see, son...I know that you are afraid of this sword...so she cannot help feeling the same."

_Don't panic, Tomboy. Just remember the dead zone._

Akane settled herself, at least as best as she could, her eyes on Nodoka's shoulders and hips, watching the older woman's center of balance. Things like the blade itself would be a distraction.

_A very...deadly....distraction._

Nodoka stepped inward, the sword coming up for the diagonal-downward swing, and Akane stepped inside. Her left hand swept up to strike Nodoka's wrist, deflecting the swing, and the heel of her right hand shot out, catching Nodoka square on the breastbone, a mere three centimeters above the solar plexus.

Nodoka stumbled backwards. "Good shot." The older woman grinned, and sheathed her sword in a smooth fashion, only to fumble the sheath in her hand.

Akane giggled as the sword clattered to the ground. "It would have helped if the scabbard were actually fastened to the obi, huh?"

"I do apologize. I've never been properly instructed, aside from a few books on sword maintenance and forms I read in my free time."

"Book learnin' is no good for martial arts," said Ranma. "An' you're better than ya let on. Your stance an' attack were perfectly metered."

"Well, it's not my place to start sharpening my blade, especially at my age, dear."

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

_Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me._

* * *

**The Potion**

**Chapter Four**

_Are ya really sure about this, Akane?_ Ranma looked quite worried. _I mean, you've gotten a lot better recently, especially in the last twenty-four hours, but Shampoo's dangerous._

_Got to do this before they find out about our connection. Besides, my plan would work, right?_

_Still feels like there's somethin' wrong...somethin' we missed._ Ranma shrugged. _Well, your time to back out has just ended...Nekohanten's just there, an' it looks like the old Ghoul's already spotted me._

_Give me the signal and I will burst through the window as we planned._ Ranma could feel Akane steel herself. _You will need to draw blood from me to make it truly convincing._

_That would be a bit much...._

_It would dispel thoughts of it being an act instantly._

_I really don't wanna hurt ya, though. I'm supposed to protect ya from that sorta--Uh, oh. Better get in character._

"You constantly mooch off of them," yelled Akane.

"They offer, I take! Nothin' wrong with that!" Ranma yelled back.

"Except that that psycho cat-bitch threw a bomb at me!"

"It didn't even hit ya! It hit me!"

"She meant to hit _me!_ She even said so!"

"Fine, you know what? Let's finish this!"

"Fine by me. As far as I'm concerned, our engagement never happened!"

Akane turned and stalked off, leaving Ranma with a stunned crowd. 'That was a little too real...'

_Relax..._

"Feh. Useless, klutzy tomboy." He turned and stormed into the Nekohanten.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Cologne shouted, flabbergasted by the scene she just witnessed.

"What do ya think it means, you old bat? It means I'm fed up with that crazy psycho." Ranma scowled. "Even her own sister called her a violent maniac. The day I was engaged to her, even!"

"Aiya!" Shampoo squealed happily.

"Guess this means you win, Shampoo. An' ya didn't even have ta kill anyone."

"And what about the Kuonji girl?" asked Cologne suspiciously.

"What 'bout her? We can make it official now, can't we?"

Cologne's eyes narrowed. "You are being surprisingly accommodating, for someone who has resisted me thus far."

_Akane...help me out here?_

_Keep her off-balanced... explain how you are doing this to also get the wealth of her techniques...._ Akane transmitted back.

"Look, you know an' I know that I could learn every trick Ukyo has in about five minutes. If I'm gonna improve as an artist, I can only do so by learnin' the Amazon Wu Shu. And I can only do that if I've married Shampoo, right?"

"And what of Shampoo's heart?" Cologne pressed.

"That's ok! As long as Ranma is next to Shampoo, love will come!" Shampoo answered for Ranma, grabbing onto his arm greedily.

"Not to mention," said Ranma, "You've never been concerned with Shampoo's heart before. Just my gene pool."

"All right, we will perform the ceremony right now," Colonge declared. "Before he sobers up..." she added _sotto voce_.

"Ranma, Shampoo, hold your left forearms against one another's," the elder instructed. Ranma did as he was told, and felt Shampoo's arm against his. Cologne produced a long thin red ribbon and tied it around Ranma's and Shampoo's wrist. "This symbolizes your bond. Shampoo, do you take ownership of this male?"

"Yes, I do." Her omnipresent bubbliness was held at bay, though Ranma was certain it was straining at the leash.

_That's because she's a bubblehead, Ranma._

"Alright, you two are married," Cologne finished.

_Now, Akane!_ Ranma commanded.

The wall to their right exploded, and Akane strode in through the hole like an Amazon on the warpath. She levelled a finger at Shampoo.

"Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku, I challenge you in single combat."

Shampoo stared at her in disbelief, then her eyes narrowed. "Akane choose very bad time to challenge. Shampoo will kill her for ruining wedding."

_Oh, there's some choice irony._

"Wait. I will take care of this," Ranma stated, ripping the ribbon off his arm. _Wow, even I'm getting scared of you..._

"Wait!" Cologne shouted, but it was too late.

"Husband stay back, is job of Amazon warrior to defeat challenger--"

"I just told her off! I told her to get out of my life! An' now that I've finally made a decision, she comes barging in to try to drag me back? I don't think so!" Ranma scowled. "I'm takin' her down once an' for all!"

_By the way, Akane, ya were supposed to challenge me._

_So I'm still pissed at Miss Kitty over there._

Akane lept at Ranma, her left fist flying fast repeatedly. Ranma crouched down, underneath the flying barrage and performed a quick legsweep against Akane's landing foot. Akane tumbled down and quickly rolled back on her feet.

_Keep the flow going. This is looking like a movie._

She leaped back towards him, her right leg flying forward in a powerful kick. He parried it, then leaped back and raised his hands.

"Mouko Takabisha!"

The ki blast slammed into her, propelling her back towards the wall. By itself, it did little damage, but the impact left an Akane-shaped dent in the wall.

"Your husband must be truly exercised about this girl, Shampoo." Cologne frowned. "For him to use the Mouko Takabisha on a girl, when he normally won't raise a hand to her...she has truly angered him."

She staggered to her feet, winced, and raised a hand to her arm. It came away bloody.

_Oh, man! I'm really sorry, Akane--_

_Don't be. I asked for this._

Akane charged, becoming a blur. 'If you want to go invisible, now is the perfect time.'

Ranma dodged the charge, and invoked the Umi-Sen-Ken. He crept towards her, and raised a hand to strike.

Akane closed her eyes and spun, delivering one large blow. The fist was jabbed right into Ranma's solar plexus. Ranma gasped for air for a second.

_Believable... but it still knocked the wind outta me..._

_Sorry about this,_ Akane thought win an evil grin and she pulled her fist back and delivered a leaping uppercut, followed by a spinkick in the air.

Cologne dropped her pipe. "You...defeated him. You defeated Saotome Ranma."

"So much for the warmup. And now, I believe that you and I still have an outstanding challenge, Shampoo." Akane grinned and cracked her knuckles.

"It will be my pleasure!" Shampoo cried out as she charged.

"Just a--" But again, Cologne's shout was ignored.

Akane started out with a roundhouse, her heel just barely nicking Shampoo's chin. _Dammit, I'm faster but she's still dodging!_

_You're... telegraphing... uggh, let me catch my breath._

_I thought you were unconscious!_

_Doesn't mean we're not still linked. My body's healin' itself, but...lead her down the spiral step! She won't expect that from you._

_No, we should stick to my plan!_

_But the kata--_

_You're repeating it. Switch to a new one!_

_We didn't work out a new one yet!_

_Dammit, let me try something._

Akane stepped back, and opened her mind. And was one with him.

He grinned, and swept forwards in a short, ducking punch, and Shampoo was forced back on the defensive. He stuck to ground techniques, the backbone of the Tendo school, and forced her back a few more meters, then saw his opening and launched his attack.

"Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Fifty blows slid under Shampoo's guard to slam into her stomach. The Amazon gasped, and staggered back.

_Okay, she's all yours._

_Warn me next time you steer!_ Akane leapt up and snapped a kick against Shampoo's lowered head, knocking it back.

Shampoo stumbled, her legs now as wobbly as overcooked noodles. "Not yet," the Amazon declared.

"Fine, then. I'll finish this." She swung an open hand at the nearby table, pitching a glass of water forward to splash the Chinese girl.

The amazon immediately shifted into her feline form, tangled in her Chinese dress.

"Gotcha!" Akane shouted as she grabbed the dress in mid-air like a bag and swung it against the wall.

A sickening thud filled the restaurant.

The dress slipped from her trembling fingers. "It's over..."

The dress fell to the ground, and Shampoo's unconscious cat form rolled out to Akane's feet.

"C...c..." Akane stumbled backwards, tripped over her own feet, and scrabbled backwards. "Oh, I didn't think that through."

Cologne scowled. "Oho, I think I see what's going on here."

Akane grabbed Ranma and lifted him onto her shoulder. "Regardless, I'm taking my husband now."

"One moment. Are you stating that, as you have challenged Shampoo, and defeated her, you have a right to take her husband?" Cologne chuckled. "Oh, a very good guess, Akane. That would indeed work, if you were an Amazon. But you are an outsider."

"I defeated Ranma first," Akane pointed out.

Cologne blinked. "Of course...an outsider woman who defeats an Amazon male is automatically considered an Amazon. Except that Ranma is an outsider himself, not an Amazon." She paused, and smacked her forehead. "Unless he marries one..."

"Are you satisfied, you old bat?"

"Let me verify something first," Cologne challenged. "Then I will let you leave." She grabbed another glass of water and threw it at the pair.

"Similar curses, interesting. I need to know more."

"You _need_ to know nothing!" Akane shouted back, her male voice actually came out as halfway threatening.

Cologne bent down to Shampoo's limp form, and then in a blink of an eye, she was dangling the unconscious cat in front of Akane's face. "No, I insist."

"Aah!" Akane scrabbled away again.

"This entire plan has the stench of Nabiki about it. But not even your evil sister could cause this level of...of one-ness. There are certain Amazon potions that would give some of the effects, but not the shared curse." She waved the cat again. "You've won your husband. I can do nothing about that. But you will tell me how you did it, so that I can prevent anyone else from using this against us."

Akane's whole body quivered. She felt her mind slipping.

_Ranma, help me!_

_Mrrrww?_

_Oh, fuck--_

* * *

She hurt. All over.

She sat up slowly. "I'm...at home?" She glanced around the room. "What happened? I remember Cologne was sticking Shampoo in my face, and..."

The blood drained from her face, and she looked around again. _My clothes...and Ranma's..._

They were in the room with them. But they were torn to shreds. She picked up the remains of his favourite shirt, and saw that it had been clawed to ribbons.

"Ranma! Wake up!"

"Hunh?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What happened? I..." He winced. "I'm really sore. You hit like a tank...Except...you didn't hit me where I'm most sore." The wince turned to a frown. "An' I really don't wanna think about why I might be sore there."

"We both... we both entered the Neko-ken at the same time..." Akane felt herself blush. 'Let's try to do this mentally. I don't want to say it.'

_I ain't sure I wanna hear it._ Ranma sighed. _What did I do this time?_

_I think it's what I did..._ Her blush felt like her face was on fire now. _I think you were in heat._

Ranma blinked, and abruptly turned green. "You mean...you..."

Akane checked herself and Ranma. She could only nod.

Ranma darkened, and his hand grasped the first thing that came to hand: Akane's favourite mallet.

"You..._pervert!_"

_So that's how it feels..._ Akane thought, her chin resting on the floor, a large bump on her head.

Ranma dropped the mallet and grabbed a robe, pulled it on over his nude form. "I'm goin' for some hot water _right freakin' now!_"

"Might be best," agreed Akane woozily.

Ranma growled, and opened the door. He stepped out, pulling it closed with a loud bang, and found himself face-to-face with Nabiki.

"Hey, Ranma. You wanna keep it down? It's a bit early in the morning for this sort of noise."

"Sorry, Nabs."

"You and Akane have sort of flipped roles, haven't you. Now she says the wrong thing, and you're the one having kittens."

Ranma winced. "Let's hope not!" His eyes widened. "Wait. What time is it, did you say?"

Nabiki yawned. "About 6:30. Sunrise in 4 minutes"

_Akane, it's just before dawn. Didn't we go over to the Nekohanten at two o'clock yesterday?_

_Yeah. So?_

_So we've been neko for the last...uh...sixteen hours._

_Have we been.... you know, for sixteen hours too?_

"Hey, guys," Nabiki said, waving her hand between their line of sight. "Hello?"

"Sorry, Nabs."

"Don't call me that."

"Look, everythin' from the fight on is sorta a blur...well, less than that, really. What happened afterwards?"

"We had the victory feast set up for you, but when two nekofied martial artists came back, we decided to vacate the premises. You're bad enough, but Akane...well..."

_This ain't clarifyin' much. I'm really sweatin' this, Akane. What if we were...uh...doin' like they do on Discovery Channel...while our parents and your sisters were in the house?_

Akane gave a mental sigh. _Ask her._

_Nuh uh!_

_She would have the answer. Ask her._

_I ain't talkin' about our sex lives with your sister! I sure ain't gonna ask her about_ this! _It's way too freaky!_

_If we want the truth--_

_Tell ya what._ You _ask her!_

"Well, Nabiki, if you'll excuse me...I need to find some hot water."

"I bet." Nabiki smirked at him.

Akane stepped out of the room next, wearing a robe. "Um, Nabiki, I have an embarassing question..."

"You want to know how long you and Ranma were in the 'wild kingdom'?"

Akane's eyes widened, but all she said was, "Yeah, something like that."

"Four, maybe five hours. The rest of it was sleeping. Sleeping sleeping. I snuck in a few times to let everyone else know if it would be safe yet or not." Nabiki smiled. "No, they don't know what you were...doing. The grown ups were too scared to even open the door even after everything died down."

_Oh, great. How much is_ this _gonna cost us to keep quiet?_

_Shush! Nabiki wouldn't!_

"Ranma? Pipe down in my sister's brain. No charge this time."

"Nabiki, how..."

"It doesn't take magic to know when you scowl, you're talking to Ranma, and it takes even less of a genius to know that Ranma's asking what my fee is."

"Oh." Akane deflated. "Well, at least nobody else knows. But what if he's..." She looked at her sister helplessly.

"I've got no advice for you there." Nabiki snorted. "I'm not a veterinarian."

_Akane, change in three...two...one..._ Ranma warned, right before the two of them shifted back.

"Well, that solves that problem," Nabiki said with a smile. "Congratulations, your boyfriend's not knocked up."

"Thank God for that." Akane paused. "You know, this could be the perfect morning-after pill..."

"Yeah, until one of you _does_ want a kid. Then you have to keep water away for a few weeks for gestation to take place."

_Ain't havin' a kid. Way too freaky an idea._

_You were all for it yesterday._

_That wasn't your_ mental picture?

_Not sure._

"You know what? I'm going for coffee. It's hard enough to talk to you when you're zoning out like that. It's even worse when I'm caffeine-deprived." Nabiki turned and walked towards the stairs. "I'll run interference with the parents until you two get yourselves sorted out."

_I'll start...cleaning up the evidence,_ Akane thought, still shivering at the thought.

_Do you remember...anything specific?_

_Not a thing. I'm not sure if I should be grateful or not._

I'm _sure._

* * *

"Ah, good morning, Akane." Soun was sitting at the family room table, newspaper in hand. "So I hear that you and Ranma had an exciting day yesterday. He's truly part of the family, now, eh?"

Akane blushed. "Yes. We're still working out an exact date, but we are working on other entanglements."

"Well, that's good news. It's a shame that you two trashed the feast that Kasumi spent so much time working on, but..."

Just then, there was a weak knock at the door. _Akane, with me,_ Ranma thought, standing up.

"Excuse us," Akane said politely, leaving the table. The two of them got to the sides of the door.

_It's Cologne. You open the door, I'll charge._

_All right, but I'm following after the first shot!_

Akane pulled open the door, and Ranma burst forward...and stopped cold.

"Whoa."

Cologne was badly battered, severely clawed, and still managed to look smug.

"Well, Ranma."

Ranma smirked. "What happened to Son-in-law?"

"We need to talk. Calmly. Politely."

"Okay. Why not?" Ranma shifted to a different stance, one much more casual. But Akane could still hear him, almost as though he were mumbling. _Dont trust her...keep yer guard up...old Ghoul's up ta somethin'._

"I really wish the two of you would trust me more."

"If you didn't keep trying to take us away from each other, we might!" Akane shouted.

_Ease down a level. We still have the advantage. Keep cool..._

"You two are bonded. From what I can tell, permanently at that. If you had told me, I would have shown you some special dispensations from marriage we grant to outsiders. It would have saved my grand-daughter a lot of heart, and backache."

_Crazy cat lady had it coming._

_Calm down, Akane._ Out loud, he said, "I can't take chances on people doin' the reasonable thing. It so rarely happens around here. I had to make certain."

"For instance, if Ranma adopted an amazon child, we would have accepted HER as a mother."

_That's actually quite clever..._

_Keep on guard._

"Did you know Herb has many things that belonged to his grand father, including his denture set? I'm certain Nabiki walked you through the other guidelines."

I hate it when she's clever.

"It don't matter, Cologne." He stated it baldly, moreso than usual. "It's done now. You an' Shampoo can go home, and neither of you will lose any face over this. We chose the best solution we thought we could use, an' it worked."

"Not wait just a minute. I'm not trying to be the bad guy. I still want to know _how_ you bonded."

"You wanna know?" Ranma chuckled. "Ask my mom. She's the cause of it."

Cologne turned around in a huff. "Well, fine. If you two don't want to be serious. We will be gone within the month. I wish you and your wife well."

"Hey, wait. Don't be sore." Ranma sighed. "Look, Mom is really the cause of it, okay? I can't tell ya more than that because I don't really _know_ more than that. She created the potion, not us."

"Do you or her have the recipe?"

"No, that's sorta gone."

"Well, then this is still useless, isn't it?"

"So, are we Amazons then?" Akane asked.

Cologne looked up at the sky, pondering. Pondering quite a long time actually.

"I see no Amazons here. Any strength the tribe would gain from inducting you both, we lose instantly by having you here, plus the uncontrollable aspect of your personalities and lives. Just one of you was managable. A package deal?" Cologne scoffed. "Forget it."

"So then nothin' is resolved," said Ranma angrily.

"Idiot boy! I've already told you that you're free of the Kiss of Marriage!" Cologne snorted. "We certainly weren't selecting you for brain power, were we?" She turned to Akane. "Keep a good eye on him, Tendo Akane. Someone like Ranma needs a strong woman to keep him in line. I guess you would do."

"Just what I need. An Amazon tellin' her it's all right to mallet me."

Cologne smacked him across the head with her staff. "Respect your betters, boy! And that definitely includes your wife!"

"Wait," Akane said. "Can I... can I talk to Shampoo before you two leave?"

"The winner has nothing to say to the loser."

_The loser! You hear that, Ranma? She's a loser!_

_Did ya want to talk to her just ta gloat?_

"If that is all. The restaurant will still be open for lunch until we find a buyer." And with that, Cologne turned and walked away.

_Ya know, Akane, this don't feel quite like a victory._

_I know what you mean. We didn't outsmart her, Nabiki did. And then we found out that entire fight was, likely, unneccessary?_

_That is, if you believe the old bat._

"Ano...Ranma..." Kasumi had walked up behind them. "Did I hear Cologne correctly, when she called Akane your wife?"

"She outta be, after she fought for me," Ranma said with pride.

"Oh! Father, wonderful news! Akane and Ranma got married yesterday!"

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

"I just wanted to say... I'm sorry... it was wrong what I did, but I was trying to help you!" the voice rattled outside the tendo gate. Akane frowned, listening the speech being repeated for the 8th time already. "Look, Ranchan..." Ukyou started from the beginning. Akane rolled her eyes and climbed up on top of the wall.

"No solicitors. Challengers go to the back entrance."

"Akane!" Ukyo nearly jumped out of her skin. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," pointed out Akane drily. "What's your excuse?"

_Crap. We're not ready for her yet._

_We might have to wing it._

_Be easy on her,_ Ranma asked.

_Like hell! You stay out of sight. It's me and her._

_Akane, we discussed this, remember? Just bashin' her won't win this fight._

"Look, Akane, we can be reasonable..." Ukyo walked towards the front door.

"I said.... challengers through the back gate."

Ukyo's face turned white.

_Seems she heard about my fight with Shampoo._ Akane bristled with pride.

_Probably from one of the Amazons. She probably also heard I fought ya ta try an' prevent ya from takin' me. Should we try to use that to our advantage?_

_We're not smarter than Nabiki, even taken together._

_Play it straight?_

_For now, but I'll play it close to the chest._

Ukyo walked around the compound towards the back entrance, Akane right next to her on the wall.

"This isn't what it looks like, Akane. I'm really really sorry about the whole wedding... thing."

"Sorry because you came specifically to interfere with my wedding? Or sorry because you threw a bomb at Ranma?"

Ukyou paused. "A wedding's a very important day for any young woman, Akane!" She passed through the gate, her feet wavering and her hands shaking. "Of course I'm here to apologize to you as well!"

"Funny, because out of takes 1 through 8, my name didn't pop up once."

"You...were listening to me the whole time?"

Akane nodded. "Yes, I was. And I feel I should let you know...you're starting to be a bit of an obstacle."

Ukyo nearly collapsed on the ground in relief. Akane smiled, thinking that perhaps Ukyo went to the restroom before coming, thus why she hadn't pissed her pants yet.

_That's not very nice, Akane._

_Hey, Shampoo and Ukyo held a skill barrier over my head for a long time!_

_Ukyo ain't never had more skill than you. She just keeps her cool better in a fight._

"Well, what are you going to do to me then?" Ukyo still kept her left hand on her large spatula.

Akane bent down, getting face to face with Ukyo. "Talk, of course. Ever had girl talk before? Of course not. You throw your gender identity in and out more frequently than Ranma."

_Hey! Ease up a little! Are you trying to piss her off?_

_It'd make my day brighter. Not to mention easier._

_I already toldja--_

_I know, I know._ She sighed mentally, then addressed Ukyou again. "You keep going on about how Ranma owes you for leaving you on the side of the road, right?"

"So what if I am? Don't you do something similar?"

"Not the point I'm driving at. You say that Ranma and his father _owe_ you. Am I correct?"

"How?"

Ukyou blinked. "Huh?"

"How did it wreck your childhood?"

"Well...all the other girls, taunting me because my fiance abandoned me..."

"Oh, like kids don't find reasons to taunt each other." Akane sneered. "You're making my heart bleed."

"I lived as a boy for most my life!"

"Ever see a shrink for that?"

"Have you?" shot back Ukyou. "Or did you just start shaving off the mustache?"

_Whoa, there, Akane. You're more of a woman when you're a guy than she is at her most feminine._

Akane bit back her temper, and said, "I'll admit that I'm a bit more of a tomboy than most girls--"

_Hah!_

"--but I never tried to deny my gender."

Ukyo looked right at Akane, speechless. "You're right, I'm sorry. We got off to a bad start, didn't we?"

"It didn't help that we're both chasing Ranma," said Akane. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Of course."

"Why are you chasing him?"

"Because...he's everything!"

"Everything?" Akane chuckled. "That he certainly is not."

"But he is to me!"

_Ya see? She don't know nothin' about me!_

"Umm, you didn't know him for a good ten years"

"Oh, and you did?" Ukyou snorted. "At least I'd _met_ him when our fathers arranged the engagement."

"I never said he was everything to me," Akane said .

"From the way you treat him, I'd say he was nothing to you," countered Ukyou. "At least I treat him with respect!"

"You treat him like a prize."

"And you barged in, and destroyed Shampoo's wedding, and took him by force! Hypocrite."

Akane smiled even larger. "That was planned."

"You--" Ukyou's jaw dropped. "Then why did Cologne tell me--" She clapped a hand over her mouth.

_I knew the old Ghoul would get one last dig in._

"Notice they're gone and Ranma's not?" Akane stood up straight now. "We can talk more later. As of now, I need a workout."

"I..." Ukyou swallowed heavily. "I'd better get back to the restaurant before the lunch rush. Konatsu's gonna be swamped."

"Loud and clear." She turned and walked away from the compound.

_Not too bad, Tomboy. A little heavy handed, but hey...you're still pissed off at her, so..._

_That felt better than punching the snot out of her!_ Akane pumped a fist up. _Her skills, her claim, and even her feminimity! I hit them all!_

* * *

Ranma was sitting on the floor, his head down, eyes closed, and arms crossed. Currently, he was battling his toughest opponent ever: His future sister in law.

Nabiki was, as always, straight to the point. "How will you start advertising you're holding classes? What age level classes will you hold? How will you divide the skill groups? Have you ever thought about any of this?"

"No, of course, I haven't," he groused. "Why the heck do ya think I'm comin' to you for this?"

"Why haven't you discussed it with my sister?"

"Because she don't know any more about it than me!"

_Hey!_

_Do you?_ Ranma asked mentally. _Well, all right then!_

"You really must think I'm sort of super-lawyer/accountant, don't you? Just because I have one of the few functional brain in the prefecture doesn't mean I'm a super mastermind. They hold college classes for this sort of thing, Ranma."

"We ain't got time for me to fail outta college," said Ranma. "And, yes, you do have a functioning brain, which is rare in Nerima. More importantly, you ran the dojo's finances since you were six years old. How did your pops run the dojo?"

"Into the ground?" Nabiki said with her eyebrows lifted. "I can barely remember the last class we had. You definitely will need teaching instructors, and secondary masters. A dojo with only a single master is worth crap as an actual martial arts school."

"Akane can help out at the basic levels," said Ranma. "But I don't know any other masters who I can trust."

"Make some. And you honestly need more beginner level instructors. Preferably those that have a good grasp of basics and...why are you looking at me like that?"

_Oh no Ranma. She will_ not _go for it!_

_She's crap for strength and speed, but she has great balance._

_It involves effort, and you know how Nabiki is with effort!_

_What's her weak point?_

_Huh?_

_She cons me an' you into doin' whatever she wants. Payback's a bitch, ain't it?_

Nabiki stood up. "Alright, I don't even need to be on the same channel as you to know what you both are thinking. You have to be crazy to think you can have me diving back into the art like that!"

"Why did you leave it to begin with?" The question was so blunt and point blank that Nabiki had no defense for it.

"Excuse me?"

Ranma stood up. "Why did you quit martial arts? I can understand it not bein' a full time job, but yer smart. You can understand the benefit of even two hours a day."

_Ranma, I am NOT going to tell you how to manipulate my sister. You'll just end up using it to do something perverted with her!_

_Akane, I need something here. Why did she quit?_

"Saotome, my goal is to become a big wheel in the business machine. Two hours a day spent exercising is time I can't take out of the day. Plus, it doesn't look good to put on your resume that you can beat people up. Most prospective employers view that as a _bad_ thing."

"Yeah, but runnin' a successful martial arts school _does_ look good. I'm not a business man, and even I understand that."

_Hit her in the wallet._

"Plus," added Ranma, "you would be getting paid for that, right?"

_Even accountants get salaries._

"You could put yourself down as the dojo's accountant, and draw a salary. Plus another as an instructor."

"That's a lot of time gone, Saotome." Nabiki frowned. "It would impact my study schedule."

"Oh, come off it, Nabs." Ranma shook his head. "Like you aren't already just strollin' through classes."

"Call me Nabs one more time and I'll tell Akane you peeked at me changing."

"That don't work no more," Ranma said with a grin.

Nabiki rubbed her forehead. "Just until you train someone else to take my place as an instructor. And afterwards, I _still_ get to keep both salaries."

"Hell, no." Ranma shook his head. "You only get paid for the jobs you're doin'."

"Having Akane in your head is making you smarter, little brother." Nabiki smirked.

"So, we gotta deal?"

"For now, until something better comes along."

_Yatta!_

_Calm down, baka. You and I both know she's going to need some retraining until we get her back in form._

_Yeah, but that's still one less problem to worry about._

_One less, or one more? Make sure you thank her!_

"Thanks, Sis. I knew I could count on you!" Ranma grinned and flashed her a thumbs-up.

"Are you going to ask Kasumi if she wants to as well?" asked Nabiki.

_What do you think?_

_Kasumi spent more time training in the Art than Nabiki, but she gave it up because she had to run the household. She isn't really suited to the Tendo school, though._

_That is true. However, with mom here, and you soon bein' the woman of the house, that means she will have more free time._

_Ask, politely. And don't be pushy!_

_When am I ever pushy?_

"I wasn't really thinkin' of asking Kasumi," admitted Ranma. "However, I dunno...she might want to. All I can do is ask, right?"

"Don't be pushy like you were with me," Nabiki warned, before she stretched very slowly.

_HEY! EYES TO THE GROUND! NOW!_

"One other thing," said Ranma as he quickly looked down. "I know ya really enjoy showin' off your body--"

_As much as you enjoy looking at it, you pervert!_

"--but I'd rather you didn't do crap like that in front of me."

"Pardon me, Ranma," Nabiki said in a whisper as she put her lips next to his ear. "Akane, I'm not trying to steal your idiot away. Calm down."

_Ya get that?_

_Her, I trust. It's you I've got a problem with._

"Another thing, Akane. If you ever want to succeed in this world, learn one thing: Sex is a weapon. I guess you could say when it comes to that, I'm a grand master."

* * *

"Me?" Kasumi nearly dropped the broom. "Teach the family Art?"

"Not full time, no. But we will be needing someone to get the beginner classes started." Akane felt nervous asking this of her sister. The same sister that already gave her so much.

_Ya know, Akane. That could be the way to approach her on this. She's given so much to the house...try askin' her if she'd_ enjoy _teachin' the art._

"You trained with Daddy, like Nabiki and I did, back before Mother died," said Akane. "You seemed to like it as much as I did."

"I was a lot younger then," said Kasumi.

"Kasumi, you've gone above and beyond in taking care of Nabiki and I," Akane continued. "You've given so much to this house. I'm not asking you to teach because we want to take more from you. I want to know if you would _like_ to teach."

Kasumi fiddled with her hands a moment. "I would at the very least be willing to try it. Thank you sister," Kasumi said with a bright smile.

_No, that ain't good enough._

_What do you mean?_

_Akane, your sister is probably agreein' to this because she feels she has ta._

_Oh..._ Akane shook her head. "Okay, Sis. I understand that you don't want to."

"I just said--"

"Sis, you said you'd be willing to try. That's not the same as wanting to do it."

"It's just that, it's been so long. Feelings change for things, Akane. I'm afraid I may not love it now as I did before. I'm probably more rusty than Nabiki."

_Wait, that's a good way to test the waters for both of them!_

_Sparring match?_

_Yup_

_Good idea. You stay outside and don't peek._

_Don't peek at what?_ Ranma sounded peeved. _Ya trust me less an' less. I need ta be able to watch them spar!_

_You don't need to watch them change._

_Oh..._

Kasumi looked back up. "You are going to suggest that I spar with you?"

"No." Akane grinned. "With Nabiki."

"Are you insane?" yelled Nabiki from upstairs.

_Let me use yer mouth for a minute._

_No way! I'm the more persuasive one, and they're my sisters!_

_Akane, trust me._

Akane sighed and cleared her throat.

"We need to see both yer relative combat skills. This is the quickest way. Plus, it'd be a good way to gauge yer comparative interests."

"Oh..." Kasumi nodded. "I understand that, Ranma. It's Nabiki I think that has an issue with that."

For her part, Nabiki was already stomping down the stairs. "I agreed to train students, Saotome. I didn't agree to beat up my sister!"

"Now now Nabiki, you know I had all the advantages when we last sparred. You don't have to be worried for my safety," Kasumi said with her same ever pleasant grin, but there was a hint of pride in it.

_Was there a rivalry between them I don't know about?_

_I never thought it would be brought up again._

"Advantages in reach, because you were two years older than me," said Nabiki.

"I'm still a bit taller."

"But I've been exercising every day to keep myself in tone!"

"Do you think that cleaning up this house isn't exercise?" Kasumi grinned, and it was not her normal grin. "I do a lot of walking, lifting and carrying, every day."

"That isn't the same and you know it, Kasumi." Nabiki scowled. "On top of that, I've done a lot of P.E. at school, stuff that you missed because you had to go home earlier than us."

"Very well, Nabiki. There's only one way to settle this." Kasumi stuck the broom back in the corner where it normally resided, and cracked her knuckles. "Let's spar."

_I think we've created a monster._

_No, this is good! If they two of them are comparative, they will be constantly going against one another, sharpening their edges._

_You mean competitive?_

_Yeah, that word._

* * *

It was a sight the Tendo dojo hasn't seen in years. The two elder siblings were wearing gi, standing across from each other. Ranma and Akane sat to the side, to judge the performance of both.

"Begin," said Ranma.

Nabiki leapt up and tried to attack from the air, only to have Kasumi guard and sidestep.

_Nabiki liked air combat?_

_Nabiki always thought it was the best way to get around Kasumi's longer reach._

_Maybe we should train Nabiki in the Saotome side of the Art._

Nabiki snapped a mid-level kick at Kasumi, only to have Kasumi brush it aside. Kasumi then stepped forward, her hand extending in a clean punch at Nabiki's head, and Nabiki ducked underneath her shot and executed a perfect spinning kick, targeting Kasumi's midsection.

Kasumi, to the surprise of everyone in the dojo, chose to absorb the blow, her other hand grabbing Nabiki's attacking leg.

_Kasumi's tougher than I thought!_

_They're both years out of practice._

_Yeah. That's twice she's gone for the quick-catch, an' as sloppy as Nabiki's kicks are, she shoulda had her the first time._

Kasumi swept though a large circle, turning Nabiki's kick into a counter-throw, but Nabiki turned the counter-throw into a roll, and came back onto her feet, fists raised.

_One point for Kasumi._

_You're keeping_ score?

_How else can we rate 'em?_

"You're still abusing your reach." Nabiki's eyes are narrowed.

"Nabiki, remember what Father always said: We don't abuse what nature gave us."

_Another point for Kasumi, on the teachin' side._

"A very good point, Sis." Nabiki grinned, then launched herself back into battle. This time, she went low, aiming for a leg-sweep.

Kasumi stumbled back, but just a touch too slow. She fell on her butt, but quickly got back to her feet. "You never did that before Nabiki. Have you been practicing?" Kasumi was smiling, but there was an edge of steel in her voice.

"No." Nabiki grinned. "I just remembered that you have difficulty countering sweeps."

_Point for Nabiki._

Ranma glanced sidelong at his fiancee. _Who are ya rootin' for?_

_I'm not sure._

Nabiki leaped back towards her sister, going airborne again, and Kasumi was forced back on the defensive. The younger Tendo kept the pressure on, launching attack after attack to keep Kasumi on the defensive.

_Kasumi's keepin' her calm, but if she don't counterattack soon..._

Almost to answer that thought, Kasumi threw a punch, hitting Nabiki right in the face, forcing the younger of the two to the ground again.

_She was waiting for a hole._

_Second point to Kasumi._

Nabiki picked herself up on the ground, and rubbed at her cheek. "Good shot, Sis."

Kasumi grinned, a grin that would have been more at home on Akane's face. Then stepped forward in a snap kick. And this time, it was Nabiki who was forced back on the defensive. A rain of kicks and punches pushed her back, but eventually, in an attempt to capitalize on her reach advantage, Kasumi overextended. Nabiki guarded against the next strike and tried to spin into it, her left arm swinging as she stepped past Kasumi, her open hand hitting Kasumi in the back, knocking her froward.

Both combatants paused, looking at Ranma as if he was crazy.

"Okay, I have to say, I wasn't expectin' you two to be that good. But both of ya have the same flaw. When ya go on the offensive, your defense drops too much."

Kasumi bowed to Ranma. "Thank you. Oh, and thank you Akane, for getting me reintroduced. I will enjoy teaching,"

"Defense always suffers when you go on the offensive," muttered Nabiki. "Basic tactics."

"Yeah, but it shouldn't suffer so much as it does when you two attack." Ranma turned to Kasumi. "If ya wanna teach, we're gonna have ta train ya up a bit more, includin' in teachin' methods. You gonna be okay with that?"

"Of course," Kasumi seemed to be trembling with delight.

_Wow, I totally had her pegged wrong!_

"Hey, you better teach me at least as much as her then!" Nabiki challenged.

_Wow, you're right. We have a rivalry going on._

_And both will grow from it._

"Nabiki, you'll need the same trainin' in teachin' methods, an' I think you'll be needin' some focus trainin' as well. Your attacks are slightly better, but your defense is weaker. Plus, we can teach ya some counters for fightin' those with reach advantages. I think you'll be workin' with Akane for that, or with me in my girl form."

Nabiki actually bowed to Ranma and Akane. "I'm looking forward to it." She smiled to Kasumi and patted her older sister on the shoulder. "I really enjoyed this session, but I think the next one will be a bit more definitive, don't you agree?"

"Oh my yes, much more definitive!" Kasumi answered with an equally big grin.

"Since we ate so much into your free time," said Ranma, "I'll make dinner, so you can relax, Kasumi."

"Thank you, Ranma." Kasumi grinned. "Perhaps the three of us can take a bath while Ranma cooks?"

Nabiki poked Kasumi in the side. "Hadn't you better think about that, Sis?"

"Ranma would never use Akane's eyes to watch us as we bathe, lather, wash, rinse, and dry ourselves before dinner," Kasumi objected.

Ranma's face turned red as he tried to stop the mental images from sending, but it was too late.

The sound of a large bullhorn sounded in Ranma's brain.

_Stop thinking about my sisters that way!_

_Hey, I can't help it! Obviously, Kasumi's thinkin' that way about me!_

_My sister is not a pervert!_

_We thought she wasn't a martial artist, too._

"I'm sorry, but I think Akane wants to help me with dinner, isn't that right?" Ranma said.

Akane flushed with excitement. The other two girls, however, turned a distinct shade of green.

"Hey," said Ranma. "She's gettin' better, and I bet today she does a great job."

"He wants to reward our hard work by poisoning us," quipped Nabiki.

"And destroying my kitchen," added Kasumi.

"Don't worry, she has access to my cookin' knowledge."

"He's got a point," said Nabiki. "Ranma might not be Cordon Bleu, but at least he doesn't burn water.

"All right, I entrust my kitchen to you both." Kasumi bowed and nervously left the dojo, with Nabiki following.

_Mighty big of her,_ mused Ranma.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

_Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me._

* * *

**The Potion**

**Six**

"Ya did really good, Tomboy," said Ranma. "Even Nabiki was impressed."

"All she said was that it wasn't glowing or giving off noxious fumes."

"For Nabs, that's high praise." Ranma chuckled.

_You're thinking about....it, aren't you Ranma?_ Akane thought as they walked into their bedroom.

_Oh, a little. I mean, should we do it? Can we?_

_We sort of already did._ Akane blushed. _For six hours._

_Yeah, but the wrong way!_

_Don't take this the wrong way, Ranma, but I wish we hadn't done that. And not just because we were in the wrong bodies. I mean...I know we're going to get married, but..._

_We'll wait until the wedding day then._ Ranma decided mentally as he laid down on the futon, arms crossed behind his head.

_I'm not being unfair, am I?_

_Akane, for all that ya call me a pervert, I ain't real interested in takin' advantage of ya. The sorta dreams that we've been havin', though, is doin' a number on my self-control._

_Perhaps we should switch to our cursed form?_

He snorted. _Then I'd have ta worry about_ your _self-control. Besides, I don't wanna be sore in the mornin' again._

_Hey, blame your cat side on that!'_

_Male cats are the ones that keep goin' until they can't. Not the other way 'round._

_And besides, you're not taking advantage of me if I'm willing--Wait. Don't hear that. Oh, this bloody potion is giving me fits!'_

Ranma looked at Akane and smiled. _Not tonight, but soon._

_So what are we going to be doing tomorrow?_

_Well, we got school, and we still got Ukyo to deal with._

_I can't wear my uniform anymore, can I?_ Akane thought sadly.

_You got tons of wardrobe options, Akane._

_Yes, but..._ An image of herself in Ranma's silks popped up between them. _I can't see myself wearing this to school. Among other things, the rumour mill will go nuts._

_Don't haveta go that far. You have pants, dontcha?_

_A few pairs of jeans. But they're rather tight fitting. They won't survive a change. My gi, but I can't wear a gi to school. Several pairs of shorts, but most of them are pink or pale yellow._

_Pale yellow,_ Ranma suggested.

_It's still gonna look girlie._ Akane grinned. _First time we've had to worry about me looking feminine._

_Ya can say that again._

_We'll go clothes shoppin' after school._

_So I only need to survive one day...Do you think I should tell everyone about the curse? It'll come out eventually. You never could hide it._

_Of course. We'll do it at the gate even._

* * *

Akane awoke with a gasp. "Ranma--"

There was no response from her fiance.

Akane carefully took his hand and pulled it out of her pajama bottoms. "Pervert..." She blushed, as she remembered her dream. "He must've been reacting to that..."

She had a sudden thought, that she had difficulty repressing. _He's taken control of my body before - well, I gave him control, but it's the same thing...maybe I was..._

Ranma slowly roused himself to consciousness. "Man, I had the weirdest dream.." he mumbled as he yawned.

"Go wash your hands," muttered Akane.

"What? Oh, so it wasn't a dream..." he whispered as he stood up.

"_Go!_" Akane picked up a pillow and threw it at him. Then collapsed back onto her bed and dropped her face into her hands.

Ranma returned a few minutes later. "If ya want, we can try a few more exercises before school."

"I'm sorry, Ranma," she mumbled.

"Huh? Oh." He waved it off. "It wasn't like ya chucked a barbell at me."

"No, I mean...about taking control of...using you to..."

"Oh, that? Well, it shows you're sufferin' as much as me." Ranma grinned.

"This isn't funny!" she yelled.

_Calm down. I don't mind, really._

_It's too embarrassing..._

_When we meditate, we see each other in our minds, right? How 'bout we just do the deed in there?_

Akane's eyes went wide. _Ranma, that's the best idea you ever had!_

Ranma blinked. _Whoa...that doesn't seem at all like you._

_If it'll help...I mean, it's not like it really means the same--I mean, it...doesn't count, right? It's to help us keep control in real life?_

_I ain't so sure it wouldn't "count". But--aw, man. Let's worry about it later._ Aloud, he said, "Kasumi's got breakfast ready. If ya hurry, we might also have some time to spar."

* * *

"Here's the happy couple now..." Nabiki said with little enthusiasm, a small ice pack against her face.

"Nabiki, I don't think Kasumi punched you quite hard enough to bruise," Akane noted as she sat at the breakfast table.

"Actually, Akane, Nabiki stepped into the punch as she was attacking, so the force was doubled," Kasumi said with a giddy smile.

_She really does have the knowledge to teach,_ Ranma observed mentally.

"Bruise or not, it still stings," grumbled Nabiki. "So have you two idiots decided what you're going to do about school today?"

"Pants," they answered at the same time.

"Oh, I suppose you can't wear your uniform," said Kasumi. "If you were to change suddenly..."

"Worse than that, Kasumi," said Akane. "My guy form isn't as different in size to my girl form as Ranma's is to his, but all of my clothes are still sized to my girl side. Which means, at best, I'd be extremely uncomfortable in the event of a cold-water experience."

"Akane, how do you think you would look in a modified male uniform?" Nabiki had that glint in her eye.

"Silly, I bet."

"I think I still have the one we got for Ranma. He's never worn it, after all."

"That's not terrible. After all, as a girl, I bet it'll still be... well, more flattering than yellow shorts." The image of herself, her female self, in the male uniform flitted through her head. "Actually, Nabiki, I don't think it'd look so bad. If Ukyo can get away with it..."

"Yeah, but she's got gender identity issues worse than Ranma's. Not to mention a pain tolerance I can't imagine... binding breasts that big."

The room got suddenly quiet. Ukyo stood at the door, holding what looked to be a gift. The sound of her teeth grinding filled the empty room.

Nabiki turned around and looked at the chef. "Oh, like what I said isn't true?"

Ukyo seemed to grab ahold of herself, and turned to Ranma. "Ranchan...I just wanted to say...I'm sorry. It was wrong, what I did, but I..."

Akane stepped between Ranma and Ukyo. "All gifts, perishable goods, and well wishes filter through _me_ first!"

"She's right, Ukyo. If you wanna get back on _my_ good side, start with hers."

"Bit of a trap, isn't it, Ukyo?" Nabiki smiled evilly. "You can't apologize to him without apologizing to her...and thereby officially giving up."

Ukyo gave a slight grin as she reached for her large spatula. "Insulting my feminimity is one thing, but you've gone too far, ice bitch!" The spatula came around, slicing at Nabiki.

Nabiki barely was able to duck under the soaring metal.

_Oh, my God. Stop her, Ranma!_

_Not unless she actually hits her._

_You_ want _my sister to get hit?!_

_Well, yeah. Though I don't really want her hurt. I just wanna see how good she is._

Nabiki stepped forward, shifting downward, and threw a punch directly into Ukyo's unguarded midriff.

_Thought she'd see that...Ukyo's got a huge hole in her defenses._

The punch landed, but Ukyo barely moved back. "Pain tolerance, remember?!" she snapped.

"Cross-dressing monkey, too." Nabiki grinned.

"Oh, please don't fight here," said Kasumi. "We have a dojo for that!" But her pleas went completely unnoticed.

_Nabiki likes to taunt during fights. It controls the flow of the opponent._

_You're_ analyzing _this?_

_Hey, everythin's trainin', remember?_

Nabiki leaped towards Ukyo, twisting in mid-flight to launch a powerful cross-kick, but was promptly slammed into the ground by Ukyo's battle-spatula.

_Fantastic move._

_She flattens my sister, and you're praising it?_

_Nabiki's move...didn't realize she was that good._ He stepped forward, and seized Ukyo's spatula. "That's just about enough, Ukyo."

Ukyo froze.

_Ukyo...not Ucchan?_

_I've had about enough of her, too._

"You can come back when you apologize to my fiancee." Ranma's voice was firm.

Ukyo nodded and slung her spatula back on her back. She put the giftbox on the table and left with a small bow. "Sorry about the mess..." she croaked as she exited.

Ranma stepped over to Nabiki. "Yo, Nabs. You okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay, you fucking idiot!" snarled Nabiki.

"Language, sister!"

"Sorry, Kasumi. Damn, she hits like a hammer!" Nabiki rubbed her head. "And why didn't any of you help?"

"With a large weapon like that in a small space like this family room, multiple combatants would make it harder for you to focus, and would make it easier for the weapon wielder to make hits." Kasumi smiled at her answer.

"Well, it was obviously easy enough for her to get one anyway." Nabiki scowled. "Akane, let's go get that uniform for you. Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to train me up until I can flatten that girl."

"Shouldn't you worry about me first, sister? After all, I do still hold the lead in our spars." Kasumi's expression was one of pride.

"If I can take Ukyo down, Kasumi...you should be a walk in the park."

_Yo, Tomboy. You're gonna be trainin' Kasumi._

"Don't worry Kasumi, I'll get you up to speed too," Akane said with a good amount of pride.

* * *

"This sucks," grumbled Akane.

"How do ya think I feel?" snapped Ranma. "She hit you this time, an' I _still_ change!"

"She never misses, does she?" Akane chuckled, despite her foul mood. "I used to think you _wanted_ to be hit by her, but she really just...never misses."

"Gotta be something in her eyes. Should go see the doctor. And how do you dry so quickly?!"

"I dunno...how come you do the--Oh, hell. Here we go."

Ranma looked up...to see Nerima's poster child for brain damage, standing at the gates of the school.

"Kuno. Great. This we need." Ranma scowled. "Who gets to beat him up today?" Then he blinked. Mentally, he asked, _How good is your aim? I think I have an idea._

_Better, much better. What are you..._

_Remember that new punch? Throw it at me._

_What are you... oh! OH!_ Akane smiled at the thought and slid into her stance before releasing a flurry of punches at Ranma each cut just barely missing her fiancee. Ranma to the naked eye appeared to have been locked still, but within seconds, Akane's attack wore down to nothing, leaving a smoldering empty spot where he was standing.

_Everone was busy looking at all the flashes... it was easy ta sneak away..._

"What sorcery is this?!" Kuno screamed as he ran towards the scene of supposed carnage.

Akane turned to face him. "Oh, is this the legendary swordsman Kuno Tatewaki? I am the dark sorcerer Hikaru, come to destroy your happiness."

_Hikaru?_

_So I like Star Trek._

"I have taken Tendo Akane and the Pigtailed Girl from you." Akane grinned. 'Ranma, find some hot water.'

"Taken--"

"Yes. Already, I have learned to mimic the body of Tendo Akane, and now that I have consumed her soul, will be able to mock the form of your Pigtailed Girl." Her form shifted back to her female self. "You see? And your soul is next on my list..."

Kuno's eyes were wide in fear. He shakily raised his bokken up. "_I shall smite you!_"

"You think so? Taste my fifty-meter punch!" She struck forward, though still out of his reach. Her mind's eye saw Ranma, still cloaked in the Umi-sen-ken, strike at Kuno, hitting him in the gut.

"Regardless of the form I wear, my Soul Butchery technique will still work on you." She advanced forward a step. "Even though its range is limited...all I need do is get within two meters of you."

Kuno's fragile grasp on reality shattered that moment. He stumbled to his feet and ran as quickly as his feet could take him.

_Should we follow?_

_Naah, a police man will find him and take him to a nice padded cell._

Ranma dropped the Umi-sen-ken, and he and Akane took a bow to the cheering students.

"So, you're cursed now?" asked Yuka. "How did it happen?"

"Yeah," said Sayuri. "Did you go to that place in China, or did someone just bring some of its water here?"

"Oh, um, plane flying over head... dropped some water." Ranma's explanation was lame, and choppy to say the least.

"They fly that stuff around?" Yuka blinked. "That's dangerous."

_Your friends aren't much brighter than my friends._

Sayuri touched Akane's shoulder. "Your male form is really pretty. Like a model from a magazine."

"Don't be getting any Kuno-type ideas," said Akane, laughing. "We were going to tell everyone, but seeing the Blue Blunder at the gates, we decided to have some fun with him first."

"I don't think he's coming back."

"If we're only that lucky..."

"If we're really lucky," said Ranma, "He won't come within ten meters of either of us. Except maybe my guy form. But I don't have to worry about him gropin' me."

* * *

"I didn't realize that Yuka and Sayuri were quite that perverted," grumbled Akane.

"How d'ya think I feel?" retorted Ranma. "I was in the guys' shower room at the time!"

"I guess women really are as bad as men." Akane felt dejected, the fairer sex isn't quite that fair anymore.

"Worse in some regards," Nabiki said. "Now that school's over, you two feel up to a shopping expedition? Akane's already in male form, so..."

"Remember, we're looking for unisex, and we're gonna be quick 'bout it. Haveta start trainin' you, after all," Ranma reminded Nabiki.

"Oh, yes, Ranma." Nabiki smirked. "I look forward to getting all hot and sweaty with you...your hands all over my body..."

"Nabiki!" Akane scowled at her sister.

"Keep your pants on, little brother."

"At least 'till we get to the shop." Akane glared at Ranma. "And you better not peep on me."

_You're gonna be changin' as a guy. Why would I wanna peep on ya?_

_Pervert. I know what runs through your dreams._ Aloud, Akane said, "Have you given any thought to advertising yet, Nabiki?"

"Well, sex sells." Nabiki was still rubbing the sore spot on her cheek. "And we have no shortage of young, attractive instructors."

"Four female and two male," agreed Akane.

"Well, that's one way of looking at it." Nabiki considered. "Have you thought about separate classes for males and females? At the lower levels, anyway, since you'll have more beginners than anything else."

"Have 'em mixed," Ranma suggested.

"If I am to assist with organizing this mess, I'll need to know your reasoning."

"Separatin' girls from boys will make the girls think they're not equals." Ranma seemed very adamant about this point.

"A good point," said Nabiki. "Now, because I don't enjoy playing the Devil's Advocate...Akane, why would it be a bad idea?"

"Why? Well, boys do have better developed striking muscles at an early age. Girls will need to be fast-tracked and seperated to get stronger."

"I don't think so," said Ranma, shaking his head. "Girls are actually stronger than guys, kilo for kilo. An' they are faster, an' they gain strength faster. Put 'em in with a bunch of guys, an' they'll get better faster just to show 'em up."

"You do have a point. Nabiki?"

Nabiki raised her hands. "I'm the one that's organizing and advertising. Decisions are up to you two. And you'd better learn to co-operate and make decisions between you, or I'm outta here."

Akane rolled her eyes, and turned back to Ranma. "Another possible problem is that girls don't want to get groped. You just _know_ that some guys are gonna go for the throw so they can get a handful of boobs."

"We'll be startin' with little kids though, right?" Ranma seemed confused. "After all, the younger the better for the art."

"Forgot about that," admitted Akane. "But as soon as we announce that we're accepting students, there's gonna be a rush from Fuurinkan to sign up."

"We'll give different age-groups different physical requirements."

"Hold on," said Nabiki. "You're going to put physical requirements on applicants? You know that will reduce the number of students you get, right?"

"Better to have serious ones right?"

"I wasn't criticizing, just making sure you knew the consequences." Nabiki paused. "Okay, I think I can have some handbills and posters done up in about four days. Will that be soon enough?"

"What other kind are there?"

"Oh, plenty," said Nabiki. "I'm just used to thinking of chanting slogans and hand-painted signs when the word 'demonstration' is mentioned."

* * *

"How does this look?" Akane walked out of the dressing room wearing a new pair of pants and a rather plain shirt.

"Like hell," said Nabiki. "You have no clue how to dress a guy, do you?"

"Looks functional at least," Ranma said.

"You'll seriously let your husband out in that?" Nabiki asked.

"Ya looked at what I usually wear recently?' retorted Ranma. He turned back to Akane. "Those are all right individually, but not together. Get rid of the red shirt, switch it with white or black."

"You wear a red shirt and black pants," pointed out Akane.

"Yeah, but they ain't sweats. Ya look like you're about to stop a phaser beam."

He snorted. "Everyone knows what a redshirt looks like. An' the noise he makes. 'Captain, over here. I've found something. Aaaaah!'"

Akane scowled, then grabbed a white sweatshirt off the rack and walked back into the change room.

"Oh, and boxers Akane! Not briefs!" Ranma shouted over the curtain.

"I know," yelled Akane.

Ranma chuckled, then glanced over at Nabiki. "About time I got to bug her about wardrobe, after the grief you two have given me."

"So do you enjoy dressing your husband?"

"Ya seem ta like pushin' that button, Nabs," said Ranma. "What if I told ya it don't bug me?"

"I'd have to find a different button," said Nabiki with a smirk.

"Oh. Well, then, stop callin' her my husband. An' it ain't that I'm enjoyin' it. I'm just enjoyin' her reaction to it. If ya knew what she was thinkin' when she was puttin' on a pair of boxers--"

"Shut up, Ranma!"

"It's already established that you're the 'wife', especially after that marathon..."

"Hey! Neither of us had control!"

"Most teenagers don't."

"An' I thought we agreed to never mention that again."

"You agreed. I didn't."

"You promised not to tell anyone!" yelled Akane.

"See anyone here that will make a big fit over it? Good, now get dressed."

"Too much color."

"Yeah, havta agree," Ranma said. "Wouldn't want my husband running around like a beacon. Gotta keep other gals' eyes off ya."

Akane fumed. Nabiki scowled.

"Okay, we've tortured ya long enough, Akane. Let's get this crap checked out, then I'll buy you two a sundae."

"Doesn't _he_ have to buy it?" Nabiki asked.

"Very funny," growled Akane. Then grinned, stepped between them. "All right, girls. Let's go." Her hand grabbed Ranma's ass, and he jumped. "My treat."

"Ooh, you two've gotten that far without the catnip?" Nabiki teased.

"Actually," said Akane. "I've got a better idea. I'll treat you, Ranma, and we'll watch Nabiki have to pay for her own..."

"Sounds like a plan!" Ranma slapped Akane's butt in return.

"Get a room, you two!"

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

_Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me._

* * *

**The Potion**

**Seven**

"Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!"

Ranma ducked under the thrust rather lazily as he ate his sundae. "Hey! You almost made me spill my sundae!"

"What do you think you're doing?! Going on a date with some guy? Have you sense of honor?!" Ryouga bellowed out as he pointed at Akane.

"You mean Ranma's husband?" said Nabiki.

"Uh?" Ryouga's eyes bugged out.

"Yeah, that's right," said Ranma. "You haven't heard the happy news. Though I'm glad to say I ain't pregnant. Yet."

"_Ranmaaa!_" Ryouga charged at Ranma again, his eyes full of murder, only to fall flat on his face.

Akane pulled her foot back under the table. "Ryouga, calm down. It's me, Akane!"

"You bastard, Saotome! You went out and found a man with the same name as the woman you're supposed to be marrying?"

"I _am_ the woman he's supposed to be marrying! Ryouga, sometimes I think you got brain damage from hitting that boulder."

_That's a little mean comin' from you._

_Sorry. Think some of your personality's leaking through._

Ryouga stood up shakily, and stared at Akane. "Are you...Wait. You got a Jushenkyou curse?"

"That's one way of explainin' it," Ranma said, licking his spoon.

"Ranma! How dare you get Akane cursed!" Ryouga nearly launched himself again, only to be tripped this time by Nabiki.

"Cool it. I like this ice cream shop," Nabiki growled.

"But this is the third time that Ranma's caused someone to get a curse!"

"Shampoo and Mousse weren't right in the head ta begin with," Ranma muttered.

"Shampoo's curse wasn't your fault anyway," said Akane. "The old hag forced her to train there. And Mousse walked in on his own. The retard." Akane blinked. "But your pops, that was your fault. You kicked him in. And the second was--" Her face turned ghost white.

Nabiki stood up, quickly enough to knock her ice cream over. "Outside. All of you. Now!"

Everyone evaculated the ice cream shop as if a nuclear bomb had rolled onto the floor. And really, this wasn't far from the truth.

Ryouga took one look at Akane's face, and for once in his life, successfully did the math. He turned and bolted through the door.

Akane's face went from pale to blood red, and a vein popped out in stark relief on her forehead. "Ryouga...I will _kill_ you."

"I didn't tell her," yelled Ranma. "Just for the record! I didn't do this!"

It was too late. Akane bolted out the door after Ryouga, her speed and force serverly buckled the shop's door.

"Dammit! I gotta go stop her!" Ranma shouted as he took off after her, his own speedy exit tore the door right off it's hinges.

"I really liked this shop too," Nabiki sighed.

_Akane, calm down! Ya don't wanna do this right now!_

_killkillkill_**I GOT A HANKERING FOR PORK CHOPS!**_killkillkill..._

Ranma started to feel his own judgement slip, as he remembered all the times Ryouga seemed to flaunt using the curse. _Calm down! Our emotions are mixin'!_

_Good, I hold him, you pummel!_ Akane still barely had the lead on Ranma, and both were catching up to Ryouga.

_Ya can't just go out an' pulp him,_ argued Ranma. _You're outta control!_

Akane sent images of Ryouga rubbing his head against her breasts. _After he did_ that?

_I ain't sayin' we don't punish him. I'm sayin' we punish him once you've calmed down! You'll enjoy it more that way._

_I'll enjoy it_ right now! Akane thought as she tackled Ryouga.

_But you need ta--Oh, fuck it._

Ranma leaped as he approached them, and slammed foot-first into the back of Ryouga's head. The Lost Boy's head smacked face-first into the concrete hard enough to make an engraved portrait.

_Good! Now we can castrate him!_ Akane thought as she flipped the unconscious ronin over.

_No! We'll hurt him, but worse than this. Let's drag him back and we'll think of somethin'. I promise you will have your revenge._

Akane paused. _Okay. I'll trust you. But I want this sorry son-of-a-bitch wishing that he'd never met me._

* * *

"His family has no prestige, no reputation, no holdings. He's immune," Nabiki said with a sigh.

"There has to be _something_ you can do. All I can do is bruise him, and he'll just heal!" Akane nearly screamed.

"I could tell you where to bury the body."

Akane bit her lip. "I'm being a bit over the top, aren't I?"

"Oh, no." Nabiki shook her head. "Not at all. But aside from splashing him with cold water and hauling him down to the vet's to get him neutered..."

"At least then we wouldn't have to worry about Akari's kids always getting lost," snickered Ranma.

"Wait. Say that again?"

"About Akari's kids?"

"Yes. Oh, yes." Akane grinned. It was an evil, evil grin. "I know what to do about him now. We'll tie him up, beat the shit out of him, and then splash him with cold water and punt him in the general direction of the Unryuu farm."

Ranma turned to his chained up and unconscious rival. "Doesn't seem... sportin' really."

_Just because you said that, you have to sleep as a girl tonight._

_Well, just make sure you call Akari beforehand so she can tell us when he arrives._

* * *

It was late by the time they reached the farm. Ranma unscrewed the lid on his thermos and dumped it over his head, ensuring that both of them were in their birth forms, then knocked on the door.

"One moment."

The door opened, and Unryuu Akari blinked at them. "Good evening, you two. Ryouga's resting in the family room. Are you two going to tell me now what this 'surprise' is?"

Ryouga sat upright. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oh, just showin' Akari some home movies."

The screen rolled a bit, until the VCR's auto-tracking kicked in, then showed a scene of P-Chan being carried by Akane. A voice - Nabiki's, but sounding tinny through the poor-quality speaker on the old television - said, "Don't take too long. Daddy's going to cry a river if we're late for the reservation."

"Calm down, Nabiki." Akane waved a hand. "And get that stupid thing out of my face. Should I wear a real dress? Or will a skirt be good enough."

"Make it a real dress. This is a classy place."

"Okay. I'll need to change my bra as well." Akane ducked into her bedroom, closing the door on the videocamera.

Ryouga's face turned pale, making the cuts and bandages stand out in stark relief.

An excited "BWEE" was heard from the other side of the door, followed by a giggling Akane. "P-Chan! Stop pushing your snout against my chest! You're tickling me!"

Akari paled. Ryouga, on the other hand, looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"That's one perverted pig you have," commented Nabiki.

"You don't know the half of it," said Akane. "I'm just going to leave him in here until he...calms down."

"Why?" Akari shuddered. "Why would he do such a horrible thing?"

"Because he was in love with me," said Akane.

Akari blinked. "But I though..." Her expression darkened, and she turned to the cringing Ryouga. "So what was _I?_ A make-do? A consolation prize?"

"Akari--"

She dumped the bucket over him, stared at the little pig. "Yes...just the right size for a pet...or a croquet ball!"

Akane held a large hammer out, which Akari eagerly took. "Swing with your hips."

Akari just nodded and swung with all her might. P-Chan smashed through the window, on a one-way flight to parts unknown by Air Akari.

"I was right the first time," said Akari. "He _was_ just like a pig. Low like a pig, dirty like a pig...Oh, I've broken this window." She immediately turned and bowed at the two martial artists. "I'm so sorry! I showed an ugly part of myself!"

Ranma peered out the window. "Nice hang time! You must have some serious muscles, Akari!"

"Well, I do have to keep the farm going."

Akane put her hand of Akari's shoulder. "You show quite a bit of promise. I would love to see that strength more refined."

"What do you mean?"

"Ranma and I are re-opening our dojo. With a bit of training...you can give Ryouga a proper greeting should he ever come back!"

"Me? I mean, I'm more of a trainer than a martial artist." Akari seemed absolutely flabbergasted.

"You mean, you have to lift those large pigs around?"

"Oh yes! How else do you expect them to learn how to throw?" Akari said demurely.

"So we start you out on locks and throws," said Akane. "Trust me, in today's world, a girl needs to know the Art."

Akari looked at the hole in the window. "I'll do it. I'm tired of just waiting for the next big hunk to come by."

"It'll be nice to have a girl around who ain't chasin' me," said Ranma.

"Oh, I'll wait a while before I date again." Akari looked around her house. "Consider me signed up, but I need a week to settle things here."

"It's good to have you on board!" Akane hugged Akari.

* * *

"Hold," said Ranma.

Nabiki collapsed to the tatami, breath coming in shuddering gasps. "Saotome, you're a sadist."

_What's that mean?_

_Someone that inflicts pain for joy._

_Oh. We should try that sometime._ Ignoring Akane's mental sputtering, he said to Nabiki, "I ain't doin' this for fun. Trust me, you're gettin' the hang of it. I figure another two weeks of conditionin', and you'll be feelin' a lot better."

"Half my muscles are sore, and I feel bruised all over. How is this gong to make me feel better?"

"We're conditionin' your muscles. After they're more efficient, things'll be easier."

Nabiki scowled. "How come you're only working me over today?"

"I ain't workin' ya over, I'm workin' ya in. An' it's because Akane's gonna be handlin' Kasumi's trainin'."

"Can we please do something else? I'm not sure I can stretch anymore."

"Well, we got one thing that doesn't require any movement. We can work on your toughness..."

"Oh, I don't think so," she said. "I just know that that's going to involve you pounding on me. I don't think I can take that right now."

_Darn._

"Well, real exercise comes from exherting extra after feelin' exhausted."

"Sounds like something that would kill."

"No pain, no gain, right?"

"How about we stop after 'no pain?'" She sighed, and straightened up. "Okay. What can we do for toughening that won't leave me in a cast?"

"You can steel your stomach, right?" Ranma flexed his fist.

"Ranma, that's the first thing my dad taught me." Nabiki sighed. "I know I'm rusty, but I'm not a total novice."

"Then can you steel the muscles in your arm?"

"In my... Ranma, that's impossible! The reason why you can steel your stomach is because of how the ab muscles are structured!"

"Then, ya better make sure yer opponents always hit you in the gut, huh?"

"Are you insane? Is that your problem?" Nabiki shook her head. "I can't constantly take gut punches!"

"Then ya better learn to steel your arm muscles."

Nabiki held her right arm up in a guard and focused.

"No no, yer just flexing! That'll just sprain something."

"So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

Ranma sighed. "Didn't your dad teach ya anything about ki?"

"Before you showed up, I always thought ki was just a metaphor."

"Then how do ya think people move around without internal energy? Energy's a law of motion or somethin' right?"

Nabiki groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "No no, I mean, I thought it was a symbolic word."

"Nabiki, people can't move around on metaphors."

_Geez, and she thought I was stupid._

_You are._

_Thanks._ Aloud, he said, "Ki is life energy, an' it's used to power your body. But a properly trained mind can use ki in ways that your body can't."

"So, how do I train my mind then?"

Ranma opened a storage box in the dojo and pulled out a small candle and a stand. "Well, there's always focusin' on a burnin candle for a few hours a day."

"Anything not quite as mind numbing?"

"Nabiki, there ain't a quick way to this."

"I thought you were the great martial artist."

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Okay. I'm willin' ta bet that you've already done some mental imagin', right?"

"Some, but most of those tricks like breaking boards, isn't that just imagining hitting a spot beyond the board?"

"You've read a few books on this stuff then."

"Well, of course."

"Forget what most of 'em said. It'll just confuse you with their explanations."

"Then why were they written?"

Ranma shrugged. "Real masters don't write books. They know that what they have to teach, can't be written down. But mental imagin' is central to managing your ki. You just gotta learn to do it while in the middle of a fight."

"Here, let me demonstrate." Ranma held one open palm up. "Hit here, hard as ya can."

Nabiki narrowed her eyes, raised her fist and threw. For all the drama put in Nabiki's pose and yell, the comedy of it not even moving Ranma's hand back made her feel rather foolish.

"My muscles were not locked at all." He smirked.

"Well, that doesn't teach me much!" Nabiki shoulted.

_Akane, come in here. I need ya to do something to yer sister._

Akane stepped into the dojo, Kasumi right behind her, both dressed for practice. "You needed me?"

"Tryin' to show Nabiki how to focus her ki. Apparently, she went to a library and read a buncha books, so her mind's polluted with explanations and theories."

"_Hey!_ A lot of those writers have doctorates!"

Ranma ignored Nabiki's protest and talked to Akane. "Akane, put your hand on Nabiki's shoulder. When she punches, try ta flow some ki into her towards her punch."

Akane nodded and put her hand on Nabiki's shoudler as instructed.

"Now, this'll feel really sloppy and it can't be used in real combat, but you'll get a feelin' of what ki flowin through the body's like." Ranma held his open palm up again.

Nabiki took to her stance again, and focused her eyes on that open palm. She threw that punch, but this time, Ranma's hand did move back... a few inches.

"Feel that?"

"Yeah...it's a bit of a rush."

Akane released nabiki's shoulder. "Tell me about it," she said with a smile.

"Now try ta replicate it," Ranma held his palm up again.

"Okay..." Nabiki raised her fist, took a deep breath, then threw the punch. This time, there was no yell, no big windup, and Ranma's hand still didn't move.

"Damn."

Ranma shook his head. "I felt it that time. You got a bit of ki behind that one."

"Don't worry, it took me a good month before I could get any noticable result," Akane said encouragingly.

"But you were younger then."

"And mostly self taught," Kasumi added.

Nabiki turned to her older sister. "You had the most instruction from Dad. Does that mean you can do this?"

"Oh my... it's been years, I'm not sure I still have the control I used to..."

"An' correct me if I'm wrong, Kasumi, but most of your practice since then is strictly internal, right?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that."

"Then you'd be better at managin' an opponent's ki to turn aside his attacks...which is what I'm tryin' ta teach Nabs here."

"Oh, in that case, that's quite a bit easier to manage than attacking!" Kasumi seemed quite excited into getting in a teaching role. "Nabiki, you can steel your stomach, right?"

Nabiki groaned. "Been through that."

"The trick to steeling your arm," said Akane, "isn't to do anything with the muscles. It's to use your ki to turn the energy of your opponent's attack away from you."

Nabiki flexed her arm again. "Let's see if I can move that energy, like Akane did..." She held her right arm up in a guard.

"Well, ki IS flowin' into the arm. That's somethin'"

"Yeah, but most of it is overflowing. Not very efficient."

"Not all of us are sensitive to ki like you, Ranma," said Nabiki.

Ranma frowned. "Nabs, have you ever seen my battle aura? Or Akane's?"

"Yes. So?"

"So battle auras aren't normally visible. There's so many high-level martial artists around here that most of us forget this."

"So you're saying I can already go that far?" Nabiki seemed puzzled. She would never put herself on the same level as the rest.

"Not for a while, but a good foundation makes for a strong building."

"If I can make a suggestion," Kasumi had her hand raised. "Nabiki, you may need to improve your core."

"My core? My core what?"

Kasumi put her hand over her stomach. "Your core muscles. This is your wa, the engine for your ki. For what you're trying to do, your core is somewhat underpowered."

"I do sit ups every day, Kasumi. What are you talking about?"

"Sit ups don't properly tone the core," said Akane. "We need better targeted exercise."

_Kasumi's very smart! I always thought Nabiki was the smart one._

_Knowledge is relative, Ranma._

_Well, your relatives are pretty darned bright._

"Better targeted how? I mean, don't tell me Ranma's dad has a better core than me."

"Actually, he does."

"Nabiki, you're still thinking a core is like a six-pack."

Nabiki threw up her hands. "Look, you're all talking way over my head here. Even you, Sis! And I know that you're not much more ahead of me."

"Kasumi, Akane. You two can resume your exercises outside. I will have to try some more drastic teachin' measures..."

"Thank you for your time, Ranma," Kasumi said with a bow, then following Akane outside. The wooden door slid shut, leaving Ranma with Nabiki.

"Now let's get yer core tuned up."

"Should I be worried?"

"Depends," said Ranma. "Do leg lifts worry you?"

"Leg lifts? That's it?"

Ranma picked up a ten-kilo dumbbell. "Well, not quite..."

* * *

Akane was sweating, but not yet breathing hard. Kasumi, on the other hand, was nearly to the point of collapse.

"Sister, your focus is incredible. I wouldn't have expected blows of that power coming from you."

"Oh, I was being foolish," Kasumi rasped, still trying to catch her breath. "After that talk with Ranma and Nabiki, I thought I could channel ki into my strikes as well as you two can."

"You seemed to be doing well. I saw and felt no overflow."

"But my muscles aren't conditioned for ki to be channeled through them that rapidly. I think I need to condition my body better before I try that again..."

"I think you might be right. But still, Kasumi, I'm really impressed."

"Thank you." Kasumi gave a bright smile and stumbled slightly.

"Here, sister!" Akane helped Kasumi to the house, slowly. "A good night's rest and you should be feeling better."

"Please, I'll wake up stiff."

"You're right. Furo first." She paused. "I think I just heard Nabiki hit the floor. She'll probably want to join you."

_If she's still alive._

_Don't worry. She's still alive, and I think after a good night's rest, she'll notice a much stronger core._

_Good. If you'd broken my sister..._

_We're both gonna want a good night sleep, too. Remember, we still gotta deal with the aftermath of the Ukyo situation, not ta mention we're gonna go after Kodachi, too._

_We're still going to try that mental exercise tonight, right?_ Akane's cheeks were burning red hot.

_Yeah. I think it'd be fun, an' it might make things easier for us._

Ranma and Nabiki were walking right behind Akane and Kasumi. Nabiki barely limping, but for the most part was walking under her own power.

"Have you two--ow." Nabiki winced. "Talking hurts," she continued more softly. "Have you decided how you're going to deal with Ukyo?"

"She'll be on the back-burner, at least until you get your rematch."

"Okay, but if you want me to back your play when it comes time to write her out, I need to know when, and what you have planned."

"We aren't sure yet, honestly," admitted Akane.

"Yeah, we wanna tackle Kodachi before we even deal with Ukyo. That alone tells ya what we think of that mess."

"That reminds me," said Akane. "Kasumi, I was thinking of asking you for help with Kodachi."

"Who was thinking of it?" interjected Nabiki.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Nabiki suggested you help us with Kodachi."

"Oh. What did you have in mind?"

"Invite her to a movie?" Ranma suggested.

"Oh, that is a marvelous idea," beamed Kasumi.

Akane rolled her eyes. "But what we had in mind, Kasumi, was for you to spend that night with her. Just...show her what it might be like to have a real friend. You can fake that, right?"

"Why can't I really be her friend?"

Ranma snorted. "Kasumi, you could make friends with Atilla the Hun."

"Ranma, I'm friendly to everyone that's respectful."

"Does that mean if someone's disrespectful, you'd bite their head off?"

"Oh, no! No no! But the will know I don't approve."

"So remember to use a napkin," said Nabiki. "Sis, how 'bout that bath?"

"I will need Akane's help with dinner again," Ranma said. _She's mine! Geez, even_ he's _mine._

_You could have gotten a free show if I'd gone with them._

_What? Ya_ want _me to peep on your sisters that way?_

_It would have only frustrated you that much more._ But the mental tone of her voice was teasing.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

_Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me._

* * *

**The Potion**

**Eight**

"Why are ya wearin' that?" Ranma asked as he sat down on his futon.

Akane looked down at her oversized t-shirt. "Well, you have to use your imagination, Ranma. Besides, I'll show you what's underneath."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just not out here. In here." Akane pointed to her temple.

"Meditatin' time?"

"Do we need to meditate?" Akane looked a bit uncertain of herself. "I mean...we tried meditating to keep _out_ of each others' dreams, and that didn't help much."

"Yeah," said Ranma. "Just made them a little less well-controlled."

Akane closed her eyes and went deep into her mind. _Ranma, you in here yet?_

_Idiot. I can't_ not _be._

_Good._ Akane saw herself and Ranma standing, face to face, in a mental representation of the dojo. It seemed to be the closest thing their subconscious minds could agree on for an equal meeting space. _Let's not waste time._ Akane announced in their mental realm as she took her t-shirt off.

* * *

"Apparently, the bookstore burned down 5 years ago." Nodoka was looking quite disappointed with herself. "I should have thrown it away, or used it. Half measures like this just cause problems."

"You can't blame yourself, Auntie. And after all, Ranma and Akane _are_ much closer now." Kasumi patted the older woman on the shoulder reassuringly.

"Still, my own son..."

Nodoka's thoughts of regret were interrupted by a loud scream, from Akane most likely, shook the house. Seconds later, Akane ran down the stairs wearing a large t-shirt and covered in sweat. "Not good, not good," Akane kept repeating as a mantra.

"Did something happen?"

Akane turned from the fridge, looking very wild at the moment.

"Um, no! No, of course not! I'm fine, I'm fine!"

* * *

_That did_ not _work!_ Akane thought bitterly as she drank down her glass of ice water.

_You're tellin' me! I'm hundreds times worse now!_

_I know. That's why I had to get out of the room. Right away. Before you exploded._

_Me?! You were about to rip my shirt off!_

_It ain't my fault! Besides, you were helpin'!_

_Wait. Who said that?_

Akane set the glass down shakily, then collapsed in front of the sink, her head resting against the door of the cupboard. _Oh, this is a nightmare!_

_I know. You're startin' to act more like me, an' I'm...well, mostly actin' the same._

_And now it's getting so bad I can't even be certain who's thinking what!_

_Akane, you're always Akane._

She smiled at Ranma's reassuring thought.

_I think we'd better not do that again._

_Good._ But beneath the surface thought, Akane could hear Ranma think, _mebbe if we both went neko again, that'd... naah._

_Don't even_ think _that again. I'll know if you do, and I'll flatten you for it!_

_Hey! Come on, I didnt' even think it that loudly!_

_Yeah, yeah. I'm going for a soak. I'd invite you to join me, but I don't think that'd be a good idea._ Akane picked herself up and walked towards the stairs, not aware the thoughts beneath the surface were getting louder. _But if you do come.. oh boy..._

* * *

_So we gotta start in on Kodachi today._

Akane nodded. _If we leave her for too long, someone's bound to find out about our new advantage._

_Too many people already know. Mom knows, Kasumi knows, Cologne knows, Nabiki knows...heck, Nabiki knowin' is six people too many already._

_She won't spill, especially if she wants your help in defeating Ukyo._

_She would if someone offered her enough yen._

_Ranma!_ She visualized a mallet hitting the back of his head. _Nabiki has_ never _sold information on us! She...just gives it away when there's a chance it might make her some yen._

_See?_

_I can't see her making a profit off of this._

_I guess not._

_So if I were you, I'd--Wait. There's Kuno up ahead._

_Great, I thought he was scared witless._

_He was always witless. Shall we scare him again today?_

_Nah, let's just beat him up. It's more fun._

Akane grinned wickedly. _Let's do both._ She stepped a little closer to him and put her arm through his.

_I like how ya think!_

Kuno strode towards them, bokken on high. "Foul demon, I..." He lowered the weapon. "I am...very confused."

"Tell us something new, Kuno," said Akane.

"I thought I saw you slain!"

"Idiot boy," said Akane. "All this time thinking that I was Ranma's slave. When the truth is...he was mine. Slave?"

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Kindly beat that wretch to a pulp."

"At once, Mistress."

As befuddled as he was, Kuno didn't even raise his weapon to defend himself.

* * *

_That was too easy. Akane, stop laughin'!_

* * *

"Can I talk to you two?" Ukyo stood infront of Ranma and Akane, who seemed to be enjoying a quiet lunch.

"I dunno, have something to say to me?" Akane said in a sneering tone.

To their surprise, Ukyo dropped to the ground, forehead touching the soil at their feet. "Akane, I beg forgiveness for attacking you on your wedding day. I stand ready to accept whatever judgement you see fit."

Akane's jaw dropped. She looked at Ranma, her mouth still hanging open.

_Don't look at me, Akane. She's talkin' to you._

Akane looked around nervously. Several people seemed to be watching.

"Come on, Ukyo, you can stand up..."

The chef slowly rose. "I'm really really sorry!" she repeated.

"All right, Ukyo, we can start fresh, _if_ you understand that Ranma's mine. You got it?"

"I..." Ukyo bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Akane, but that, I..." She sighed. "Ranma and his father still owe me a lot. I intend to collect on that, one way or another. But in no way was this your fault, and I regret taking it out on you."

"After that attack, I think any debt left is almost gone, wouldn't you agree?"

"Any monetary debt. But there's still a personal debt of honour to resolve."

_I think she's now gettin' to the actual reason she wanted to talk to us. The apology was just an excuse._

"We can discuss ideas for that, if you are open, and as long as Ranma's no longer on the table."

"Very well." Ukyo started setting up her portable grill. "But there's no reason to discuss it on an empty stomach.

"Sorry, Ukyo," Ranma held up his hand. "We sorta agreed, I'm not, ah, gonna eat yer food no more."

"Oh," Ukyo seemed to deflate a bit more.

"I think just this once," Akane said.

_Don't treat me like the bad guy!_

_I won't._

_Good._ Aloud, he said, "No, Akane. I agreed, and I stick by my word." He dug into his pocket and pulled out a five hundred yen note. "I'll buy one."

Ukyo took the wrinkled note. "The works?"

"You know it."

"All right, Sugar. I mean--" She bit her lip. "Ranma. And you, Akane?"

"I'll have the same." Akane too held out a five hundred yen note.

Ukyo frowned. "Even the hot peppers?"

"Oh, right. Ranma and I have been cooking a lot lately. I'm developing a lot of tastes for what he likes, but no peppers please."

_Hey, don't knock 'em until you've tried 'em._

_I did, on your tempura, last night._

_Oh. Um._

_Idiot._ She turned back to Ukyo. "So, the limit of the debt is one of personal honour, then?"

"Yes."

"For what exactly?"

"I basically had to give up my identity because of what his father did to me!" Ukyo scowled. "And I did it again, when I thought he would marry me after all, only to learn that he wasn't going to!"

"Well, what do _you_ want to be? If it's reasonable, we'll help."

"Yeah, we're reasonable like that," agreed Ranma.

"All I want out of life is to be happily married, and to run my restaurant with my husband." Ukyo sighed. "Two out of three ain't bad, but I've only got one out of three."

"Well, ya don't haveta marry now."

"He's a dope, but he is right. Most girls don't marry until their twenties, anyway. And by then, your business may take off, and you would be a very attractive prospect for any successful man.

"And in the meantime?" scowled Ukyo. "Just sit around my apartment, feeling sorry for myself?"

Ranma waved his hand across the schoolyard. "Do ya think any of these gals feel sorry for themselves? Several've dated more than once."

"They aren't running a restaurant, and living by themselves," pointed out Ukyo. "They have family to help them."

"Okay, yer dad's a bastard. Join the club. But," Ranma sighed, "we did offer ta help. Whatcha need?"

"_Besides_ a husband." Akane grabbed Ranma's arm for emphasis.

"Hell, I don't know," she grumbled. "I'm a cook, not a psychiatrist."

"I mean with running th' restaurant."

"Oh, I could use some new wait staff. Two new female wait staff to be precise."

"Hmm, haveta be either me or Akane."

"Why do they have to be female?" asked Akane. "Surely you have male customers."

"Between me and Konatsu, we've got the guys covered," said Ukyo.

_Which of us should it be?_ Akane thought.

_Yeah, it can't be both of us...unless we get Konatsu to give your guy half fashion tips._

Akane shuddered. _I may be bishounen, but I'm not_ that _bishounen._

_An' Konatsu is? For that matter, Ukyo makes a pretty convincin' guy, even with that hair and that rack._

_Hey! The only rack you can think of is mine!_

_I toldja, I'm a guy. I even think about my own--_

_You're not to think about those, either. They're mine._

Akane glanced back at Ukyo. "I think that it'd be better if it were Ranma helping you out. I don't know if your restaurant would survive my helping you."

"Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't be that bad, Akane. Besides, two new waitresses is better than one..."

_We didn't tell her?_

_Of course not, you dolt!_ Akane sighed. "Sorry, Ukyo. But there's a very good reason you can't have me and Ranma both as girls in the restaurant."

"Why's that?" Ukyo seemed confused now.

"I can't tell you yet. We're working on fixing it. But right now...all I can say is, it won't work out."

"All right, but you better tell me one day."

_Or else what?_

_Quiet, Ranma. We're about to win._

"All right, one day, Ukyo."

"Also, if ya want, Akane and her friends can hang with ya a bit more. Get ya more in touch with the class, right?"

_Do I have to?_

_Do you want the win?_

Ukyo smiled tentatively. "That would be a switch. They're almost as mad at me as Akane is. Was?"

"Was." Akane smiled. "Okay, we'll do something Friday night."

_Uh...Didja forget that Kasumi's invitin' Kodachi over on Friday?_

_No, I didn't forget. Kodachi and Ukyo in the same room might be a nuclear combination, but having Kasumi there will be a good moderator._

"Alright, I'll be ready. Will it be a sleepover?"

_Remember our sleepin' arrangements!_

"Sadly not this week."

"Oh. Well, I'll get Konatsu to pick me up." She grinned. "Not that I can't handle a mugger or six, but why risk wrecking a pleasant evening?"

"Oh, maybe I can hang 'round Konatsu, get him to be more masculine?"

"Tried that, it didn't take."

"I think I can do better."

"Why do you think so?"

Ranma thrust out his chest. "'Cause I'm a certified manly man, with a seppuku contract to prove it!"

Akane swatted him across the back of the head. "Dope."

"Oh, now you've done it," chuckled Akane. "You know what he's like with a challenge. He'll probably switch to female form and dress up in something frilly - with boxers under it, of course - and drag him out on a date."

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," said Ukyo.

_Ain't gonna happen!_

"Heck, he's not gonna want to be around for a girl's night, anyway," continued Ukyo. "He can do it Friday night!"

_AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Ya'd haveta be a guy, remember?_

"Actually, Ukyo, maybe just having Ranma and Konatsu sparring would be manly enough."

"No, I like this idea," said Ukyo. "Konatsu can be manly enough when he's fighting, despite his...unorthodox attacks. It's when he's _not_ fighting that he goes completely girl."

"Actually, I can't do anythin' Friday," said Ranma quickly. "I've...gotta work. Yeah, that's it. Work."

"Oh? Where?"

"Out. Ain't that enough?"

Ukyo sighed. "Ranma, if you're really dead-set against dating Konatsu - and trust me, I understand that perfectly - I'm not going to force you to do it. But please, don't insult my intelligence. Okay?"

_We should tell her._

_No! That would ruin this!_

_We should tell her eventually, I mean. Not right now. I'm not that stupid._

Ukyo waved her hand between the two. "Yoo hoo! You two decided to start a staring contest?"

Ranma glanced at her. "Yeah. An' ya just cost me the fifteenth straight rematch!" He chuckled at her somewhat stupefied expression. "Sorry, didn't mean ta zone out on ya."

"It's fine, Ranma." Ukyo sat back.

"What do we have here?" Nabiki's voice was unusually chilling today.

"Oh, Nabiki! I'm... look, that spatula to the head, that was..."

"Uncalled for? Completely idiotic? The last act of a woman with a death wish?" Nabiki smiled. "All three?"

"You're making it really hard to apologize."

"Then don't. This Saturday, I'll make you eat that damned spatula."

_Saturday! She can't be serious! She's improvin, but..._

Nabiki slowly pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket, and tossed it to the cook's feet. "I think you should recognize this."

Ukyo picked up the paper and unfolded it. "You can't be serious! Nabiki, we both know you aren't a fighter. You just don't have a taste for it. I'm sorry I slapped you around a little, but...."

Ukyo's words were cut short by a fist to the face. She reeled backwards, one hand raised to her face, an expression of shock. "You--you throw a challenge at my feet, and then haul off and smack me?"

"That was for the insult just now." Nabiki cracked her knuckles. "But I'm saving up an awful lot of mad. I'll hand it all back to you on Saturday."

"I get a feeling you don't like me, _sugar_."

"What made you think that, _hon?_" Nabiki was sure to purposefully draw out a rather bad Kansai accent.

"In fact, I'd be willing to _wager_ that you're being deliberately snotty to me!"

_Let's get outta here,_ Ranma thought as he started to scoot away.

_Good idea..._

"Well, I certainly hope I'm getting my point a_cross_...I really dislike keeping things _bound up_..."

_They ain't gonna make it to Saturday without causin' major property damage._

_Yes, but my sister isn't anywhere near ready now!_

_Ya sure? Even I was surprised by that pop to Ukyo's jaw!_

_One lucky shot won't make this battle._

_Then we gotta train her up a whole bunch more._

_Fine, I'll save her then!_ Akane thought, putting herself between the two warring women.

"Hey you two, calm down! You'll do this Saturday!"

Ukyo's spatula was already raised; she lowered it. Nabiki unclenched her fists.

"Ukyo, I have no choice but to stand as Nabiki's second. As the challenged party, you may choose the location and the conditions."

"The field outside of school!

"You better not bring that damn ring!" Nabiki shouted.

"Oh, think I can't win without it?! Fine, just you and me, no weapons!"

_Someone should tell Ukyo to stop an' think, rather than gettin' mad. She just ceded her best advantages._

_You_ want _Nabiki to lose?_

_I don't want my student, an' prospective teacher, gettin' a cheap victory._

"We accept those conditions."

_After a few months,_ then _she can get into those sorts of fights. Sorry Ranma, but she's my sister._

_Fair enough. What about Ukyo's second, an' the judge? You've just made yourself the challenge mediator._

"Ukyo, who will you name as your second?"

"Konatsu!" Ukyo shouted. The young ninja appeared, kneeling next to Ukyo.

"Yes, mistress?"

"Why didn't you stop her from punching me, you jackass?"

"It was quite sudden. If I'm right, even Ranma didn't react."

"Excuse me," said Akane. "Are you declaring Konatsu your second?"

At that moment, the bell rang.

Ranma sighed. "Guess not."

* * *

English. He hated English.

Hinako-sensei was droning meaninglessly at the front of the class. Half the classmembers were paying attention to her, but the other half were staring out the window, passing notes, or otherwise jerking off in a non-productive manner.

_You should be paying attention, too._

_I'm tryin'! But she ain't exactly catchin' my attention!_

_Why not? Because she's not in her adult form?_

_I ain't interested in her that way, in either form!_

"Oooh! TEST TIME!" Hinako announced as she hopped from her desk.

_Oh, good. Since I suck at English, you can help me with this._

_Hey now, use your own brain!_

_Hey! You have some of my ki. Let me have a little brain._

_Figures, all you want from me is head._

_Beats all those guys that wantcha 'cause you were a prize._

_Low blow. Wait, I should rephrase that._ Akane shook her head. _Forget it. You're on your own._

_Are you sure?_ He mentally envisioned his hands running up her thighs, under her skirt.

Akane shivered in her desk.

_I'll help you pass, but in return, you teach me some more ki moves._

_I was gonna teach 'em to ya anyways._

_What else do you have to--No, don't touch there!_

_Well, as I see it, either we both pass..._ He hesitated until he saw her cheeks flush and her teeth grit. _Or we both fail._

_Fine,_ fine! _I'll be an open book!_

_Always were,_ he thought.

_So you can stop that now._

_But I'm having fun._

_I can't! Everyone will know! I can't be the class pervert!_

Ranma relented. _Can I propose yet?_

_No! We don't have them all sorted out yet._

_We're getting closer._

Akane drew in a shuddering breath. _I am going to kill you just as soon as we get out of here._ She looked up, to see Hinako-sensei staring at her oddly.

"Problem, Tendo-san?"

"Sorry...thought I was going to sneeze."

"Well, be careful. There is a flu going around."

"I think _someone_ in this class is sick, Sensei."

Ranma looked hurt. _I ain't sick!_

_To do something like_ that _to me in class? And you say you're not sick?_

_We both want it. How's it sick if we both want it?_

_We don't want it in the middle of class. What's wrong with you?_

_Sorry, Akane. Didn't really think it through._

_I'll let it go this time._ She sounded calmer now. _After all, when I told you to stop, you did._

_That session of ours...I think we both need relief, soon._

_Yeah. But for now let's ace the test!_

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

_Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me._

* * *

**The Potion**

**Nine**

_We both got in trouble because of you._ Akane's thoughts were bitter, but not truly angry. At least, not yet.

_She bought our story at least._

_But doing something that perverted in the middle of class--!_

_I wasn't_ doin' _nothin',_ he protested. _At least, nothin' visible._

Akane closed her eyes and imagined her hands stroking something, something which made Ranma tense and stop.

_Hey, for guys it's different! We can't hide it!_

_Oh, and me shuddering and gasping in front of the whole class was invisible._

_Ya managed to cover it up well enough--_

_Ranma._ She sighed, and switched to speaking. "I can't say this strongly enough. I don't want you doing something like that to me in public."

Ranma hung his head down. "But in private?"

Akane shook her head, until she got an idea in her head and smiled.

"Oh, no. Don't even..." Ranma started to protest as Akane jumped in front of the stream of a nearby hose.

They shifted. Akane cursed quietly, and turned to face the nearest wall.

Ranma chuckled. "Sucks, don't it?"

"Yeah. How you stayed sane..."

"So is there a reason you decided we needed to be in alternate forms?"

"I'm treating you to ice cream."

"Your treat?" Ranma seemed absolutely giddy.

"Absolutely."

She frowned, tasting a hint of deception in her mental echo. "What's the catch?"

"Simple. If at any time you show anyone in the store how horny you're getting, you have to pay."

_Well, if I win, I'll just show I have better control...however, if I lose, I might just be...and then, with Akane...not again, not until we do it regular..._ Ranma's thoughts were soft, but were readable. If somewhat incoherent.

"What's the matter, Ranma?" Akane grinned. "Don't think you can handle such a little challenge? After all, according to you, guys have a harder time hiding it, right?"

"What if I win?"

"Then I'll admit you were right."

Ranma snorted. "That ain't fair."

"I didn't say anything about fair," countered Akane. "If you win, I'm paying for the ice cream. Isn't that good enough?"

Ranma shrugged, which Akane had to admit was absolutely cute. "I guess..."

"Guessing isn't good enough. Do we have a deal?"

Ranma held his hand out. "Deal!"

Akane grabbed his hand and shook it. Then unleashed the one detail she'd managed to conceal from him:

"Oh, by the way. This is a one way challenge. You can't do the same to me while we're in the store."

"What if I don't do it mentally?"

"What if you get your hands shoved up your nose?"

"Huh?" Ranma seemed confused. "Whatcha mean?"

"I mean, if you lay a hand on me, I'll rip your arms off." She scowled. "Getting manhandled in an ice cream parlor is even worse then getting mindhandled in class."

"What, ya think I'll just touch ya like that?" Ranma grinned. "What if I did what any girlfriend'll do to her boyfriend in public?"

"Oh, in that case," said Akane, "I don't think I have to worry."

"Alright!" Ranma eagerly took Akane's arm and wrapped himself around it, pressing his chest lightly against that arm. Akane nearly jumped. "What? I see couples like like this alla time."

"All the time where?"

"Come on! Haven't you ever looked around?" Ranma giggled, a sound that was far too cute coming from a guy. Even if said guy was currently petite and busty.

"I'll take your word for it..." Akane decided to let that one slide. _Damn male hormones. Damn Ranma's use of sex appeal..._

_Damn straight._

Even she had to chuckle at that. "Come on. Let's go. We still have some practice to get in tonight."

"We gotta spar like this too." Ranma pointed out.

"Balance?"

"Yep. Plus reach differences. I dunno if you noticed, but you gained a half shaku of reach in this form."

"Ranma, I don't really know the archaic measures. Use metric, okay?"

"Ya gotta learn 'em eventually." Ranma sighed, and rolled his eyes. "All right. Ice cream. And your eventual humiliation."

* * *

Nearly everyone in the ice cream parlor was watching the redhead who was slowly eating her sundae. It seemed every bite made her squirm in a way that was delicious to watch.

_I warned you not to eat chocolate, Ranma._

_S..shut it...I like chocolate! I didn't know it'd heighten that!_

_Heighten what?_

_I ain't even gonna_ think _about it, or it'll make it even worse._

_You can give up any time you like._ Akane grinned, and started thinking of additional images with which to torment her fiance.

Ranma struggled, but gathered his strength again. He smiled and put his head on Akane's shoulder.

Ranma struggled, but gathered his strength again. He smiled and put his head on Akane's shoulder.

"You're such a sweetheart, Akane, for treatin' me to ice cream. You know how much I love it..."

_Your verbal seduction skills are not intimidating._

_Oh, poo! Worked all the time on Ryouga._

_A statue would work on Ryouga._

_Well, yeah. If it was cute._

Akane grinned, and envisioned running fingers over various parts of Ranma's anatomy. Never mind that it would require more fingers than she had to hit all the points she had in mind, even if said fingers were not attached to only two hands.

Ranma shivered, but pressed himself against Akane a bit stronger.

_Remember, the limit is normal social interaction!_

_What you're imaginin' ain't normal by any stretch of the imagination._

_You know, I'm starting to think that mental foreplay could be better than the real thing._

_Yeah, but the endin' climax just makes it worse._

_Oh, not if we return to the physical before the end...just to do something like_ this...

Ranma nearly squealed again. _Ya really want me to be the mother first?_

_No of course not!_ Akane thought back.

_Then back it off a bit--_

_You lose._

_Huh?_ Ranma glanced around...and realized that everyone in the restaurant was staring at her. Most of the boys were obviously drooling.

_Damn!_ Ranma thought. _Fine, I'll pay, but we gotta like... make out or somethin'..._

_I don't recall making any such deal._ Akane grinned a bit wider.

_Pleeease,_ the mental plea was accompanied by a mental hand stroking something....

_Hey! You're not allowed!_

_Already lost._

_Well, there is that,_ allowed Akane. _But I can still say no. So you might not want to upset me too much._

Ranma leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Akane's lips. _Ya don't understand...just a little..._

_What makes you think I don't understand?_ Akane sighed. _I was looking forward to it myself. But we can't leave yet._

_Why not?_

_Because if I stand up right now, it will be very obvious that you weren't the only one having a good time._

_Well, couples make out in restaurants._

_Maybe in the boonies in China, but not in downtown Nerima._

Ranma settled. _Fine, but we better! I'm serious. Somethin' in me_ really _wants ta._

_So you admit I was right?_

_Fine, yer right! Now ya gotta take responsibility._

_I will, don't worry._ Akane blinked. _Did you notice...we're not jumbling our thoughts up as badly as we were earlier._

_Hey, yeah! Mebbe it's 'cause I'm a girl right now!_

_No, I think it's something else._ Akane pondered it. _It's been, what, four days since the potion?_

_Yeah, four days._

_We got worse on the second and third day, and it's getting better now._ Akane thought a bit harder. _When was the last time we had a real fight?_

_Dunno. Not as often. Mebbe, on a lower level we're already one or somethin'._

_That's kind of what I was thinking. Though I doubt it's quite that in-depth. It's just...we can tell when we're about to do something stupid._

_Akane, can we discuss somethin'?_

_What is it, Ranma?_

_We'd outta talk about the type of ceremony, shouldn't we?_

_I thought we had, already. We both decided that we hate ceremonies._ Her eyes narrowed. _I also thought we'd agreed to wait until all the fiancees are dealt with. There's still Kodachi and Ukyo._

_Come on! I was thinkin' we could have two ceremonies._

_Why two from zero?_

_Small ceremonies._

_By small, you're thinking just our parents and my sisters? And by two, you're thinking one for each form?_

_An one western an one japanese._

_Oh, didn't quite get that thought,_ she admitted.

_Which do you want, Akane?_

She rolled the thoughts around in her head. _Twice as expensive...gotta get a different dress for each one...would have to anyway, since Ranma and I aren't the same size..._ She realized from the amused look on his face that she was woolgathering. _I think I like the idea._

_Good, but do ya wanna be the bride in the japanese or western wedding?_

_I think I'd rather be the bride in the Shinto wedding,_ thought Akane. _I could wear my mother's bridal kimono._ Then she grinned wickedly. _And you can wear the white gown in the western wedding._

_Waitaminute!_

_Cut very low, to capitalize on your assets._

_I wonder which honeymoon'd be wilder..._

_Don't be thinking like that right now. You've still got chocolate ice cream to finish._ Akane grinned again, and switched to speaking out loud. "Remind me on the way home to stop at the fruitmonger's. I want to pick up some apricots."

"Apricots?" Ranma took in another spoonful.

_Much like chocolate, they're an aphrodisiac._

_Afro-whatsit? They come from Africa?_

_No! They enhance attraction and pleasure._

_Oh._ Ranma shivered again, and a few chuckles ran through the restaurant. He paused to glower at them, then turned back to Akane. "I'm all done. You ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," said Akane _Lucky it settled down. How do you guys walk around with one of these? Not only does it get in the way, it's a buld in bodily weakness._

_Tell me that next time some guy grabs your tit._ Ranma stood up. "About time. I'm gonna take you home an' put you through the workout of your life."

Every guy in the place nearly fainted from blood loss.

* * *

"_Hey!_ It was just getting good!" Ranma shouted, rather incensed.

"Here, dry yourself off," Nabiki snapped as she threw Ranma a small towel.

Akane, however, was quite embarassed. "Look, Nabiki, next time,can you knock?"

Nabiki slung the large kettle behind her back. "Not when I need to be trained. Besides, the amount of noise you two animals were making, you'd never have heard me knock."

"Did anyone else hear anything?" asked Ranma sheepishly.

Nabiki smirked. "Your mother thinks you're very manly. Even when you're a woman."

"Nabiki, we weren't..."

"I know, you were just rounding third. Now, come on, teachers. Time is money."

* * *

"Normally, there'd be no way you'd be ready to beat Ukyo by Saturday," said Ranma. "But luckily, she's ceded her best advantages to you."

Nabiki smirked. "I knew that punch would get her too heated to think straight."

Ranma frowned. "Do you ever do _anything_ on impulse?"

"My haircut was on impulse."

"Is that a line of credit?" asked Akane.

"Oh, ha ha." Nabiki rolled her eyes.

"Okay, so you're methodical, an' ya always take time ta think things through." Ranma frowned. "Normally, that'd be a good thing. But in the Art, ya gotta learn to let your instincts take over."

"That sounds dangerous."

"Not really. It's thinkin' without thinkin'. "

"Then you're a grand master."

"Of course," smirked Ranma. "How many times have you done the first kata?"

"I can do it blindfolded." Nabiki smirked confidently.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea!"

"I was kidding!"

Ranma held up the towel she'd thrown him earlier. "I was not. Akane, you'll respond."

Akane took a stance across from Nabiki as Ranma tied the towel over Nabiki's eyes.

"This isn't fair," groused Nabiki. "How can I do this kata against Akane when I can't see her?"

"Ya just do it."

"But it's a defensive kata!" argued Nabiki. "If I can't see her attacks--"

"Ya gotta go on instinct."

"Fine, fine, Yoda."

"That's Master Yoda to you." Ranma stepped back. "Begin!"

Nabiki pushed up the first block easily enough. But from there, it quickly degraded. Nabiki wavered between trying to go by memory and trying to sense Akane's presence. All too quickly, it came to an abrupt halt when she missed a parry and Akane's fist slammed into her gut. She fell to the mat, gasping for air.

Ranma stood over her, waited until she'd recovered. "Good thing Akane was pullin' her punches, or you'd be a red smear."

"Yeah, thanks sis.." Nabiki pulled the blindfold off.

"Hey, who said you can take that off?!" To Nabiki's surprise, Ranma pushed the blindfold back in place.

"I just got pounded. Doesn't that prove that I can't do this?"

"Yeah, it does. Which is why you're gonna do it again." Ranma paused. "I wasn't really sure if you were tryin' ta figure out where Akane was goin', or just match the forms by memory."

"Neither was I."

"Both are wrong," he said. "Ya gotta clear your mind of everythin'. Forget the kata. Don't worry about what Akane's doin'. Just do the kata."

"How do I do the kata and forget it at the same time?"

"Let your body remember where it has to go. Empty your mind."

"Unlearn what I learned? There is no try?"

"You can't unlearn the kata. Your body won't let you. You just have to not worry about it."

"Mind of no mind," supplied Akane helpfully.

"Yeah, that's what the navel-watchers called it."

Nabiki started to slowly breathe, her arms drifted into guard.

"Go!" Ranma commanded, and Akane once again rushed forward.

This time, Nabiki's parries were on target, deflecting seven attacks mere centimeters from their targets. But the eighth caught her and knocked her to the ground again.

"You were gettin' cocky."

"You'd both know all about that," groused Nabiki as she picked herself up again. Luckily, Akane's foot sweep hadn't knocked the wind out of her this time.

"I got some Instant Nannichuan if ya wanna give it a try."

"Let's not."

"Again!"

Nabiki barely put her defenses up in time. But she matched each attack flawlessly, right up until the final kick, which clipped the side of her head.

"Ow! Fuck! I'm remembering why I quit all this!"

"Well, ya better remember why ya started, cause ya got one chef that wants ta put you on the menu."

"That's why I'm here. I want to put paid to her account."

"Akane, increase the tempo."

"What?" squawked Nabiki.

"Begin!"

Akane roared into the attack, throwing punches and kicks faster than before. And this time, Nabiki completed the kata perfectly.

Nabiki was obviously amazed at herself. "How--"

"Simple," said Ranma smugly. "We didn't give ya time to think. Ya didn't have time ta second-guess yourself. All ya could do was go on instinct, 'cause ya had nothin' else."

"So, I just need to have my life threatened and I can beat her." Nabiki took the blindfold off.

"No, that's just foolish."

"Then tell me, O Great And Fearless Teacher." Nabiki tossed him the blindfold. "How do I tap into this store of instinct?"

"Stop thinkin' and start doin'! Oh, and keep trainin' and get more stuff in yer muscles."

"So now that I've finished the first kata, what do we do now?"

"The first kata."

"But--"

"Until ya can do it in your sleep."

* * *

_We should go see a movie._ The thought was sudden, almost out of nowhere.

Ranma turned to Akane as they were enjoying dinner. _A movie? Why?_

_Because that's what couples do._

_Normal couples... but normal couples don't change sex with water or can read each other's minds._

_I_ want _us to be normal!_ Akane sounded almost petulant. _Just for one evening, I want to pretend that we can go out and have some fun, and not be challenged by random martial artists, kidnapped by magical Princes, or acquire new suitors!_

_Fine, we can have our date tomorrow night. But we should still dress in case of weather, if ya know what I mean._

_Do you still have any of that waterproof soap?_

_Never did. Ryouga had that._

_Damn pig._

_An' it ain't like we can get any more, what with the Amazons havin' buggered off._

_I can live with unisex clothing while going to the movies._ The mental tone showed it was more of a tolerance.

Ranma paused, and grinned. _Wait a minute...are you askin' me out on a date?_

_No! We are going like this!_ Akane sounded rather firm.

_Are ya sure? 'Cause I caught that mental image of me in that green dress Mom bought for me._

Nabiki cleared her throat. "Got something on your mind, Sis?" She glanced meaningfully towards the Tendo patriarch, who was looking at Akane oddly.

"Oh, Ranma and I are going on a date tomorrow night," Akane announced.

Nabiki winced. "Good move, Akane."

Predictably, Soun had burst into tears. "Oh, happy day! They're finally getting along!"

Genma nodded. "Perhaps, in a few more weeks, we can send for the priest again, eh, Tendo?"

Both fathers were soon on the floor, fists from their respective offspring. Ranma sat down, and picked up his rice bowl. "Anyway. Is there anythin' good playin' at the theatre?"

"Rebirth of Mothra is playing," said Kasumi happily.

The entire room fell silent. Five pairs of eyes boggled in Kasumi's general direction.

Nabiki was the first to speak. "Uh...you like kaiju movies?"

"Who doesn't?" Kasumi looked honestly puzzled. "I've been watching Gojira since I was a little girl."

"Well, Kasumi, a monster movie doesn't seem exactly romantic..."

Ranma put his arm around Akane's shoulder. "We're there for the atmosphere anyways."

"Do remember that you have a math test on Friday," said Nabiki. "Shouldn't you do some studying?"

Ranma shrugged. "Gonna fail it anyway."

"No, you won't! I'll make sure of that!"

Nabiki smirked. "Going to 'pass notes' to him during the test, Sis?"

"No, of course not! I'll make him study!"

Ranma shrugged again. "I already know how to add an' subtract, an' I can always use a calculator for multiplyin' an' dividin'. What else do I need for runnin' a dojo?"

"Finances for one."

"Thought you were gonna handle that part."

"Yeah, but I might doctor the books."

"Would you?"

"That's besides the point."

Ranma shook his head. "I don't think so. Because like with martial arts, if ya don't know it an' can't learn it, ya get someone else ta do it. Ya get someone ya can trust, an' when it comes ta handlin' money, I trust ya."

Nabiki blinked. "Wait...did you just say you trusted me?"

"With money, yeah. With a camera, hell no."

"That's too bad, because we are shooting for the flyers on Sunday."

"Crud. Forgot about that." Ranma sighed. "Look, Nabs, I just don't think I need the math classes. I mean, we're learnin' algreba an' vector maths."

"Well, some people are learning," commented Akane.

"Sure, there's a use for them in combat, but if ya stop ta solve a formula in combat, you're gonna get your ass kicked."

"So you can judge the speed of objects, their angles, and path in the air?"

"Of course."

"Tell me, Ranma." Nabiki grinned. "Do you stop to solve the angles of each and every punch before you throw it?"

"Well, no."

"But the angles are important, right?"

"Yeah, but ya practice the punch, until ya do it right."

Nabiki waited for it to sink in.

"So what does that have to do with math?"

Nabiki thumped her head off the table. "Jesus, and I thought you were smarter than that." She looked up. "If you can practice a punch until you can do it right every time, certainly you can do the same with a math problem?"

"...Math kata?"

"If you ever actually _did_ your homework," observed Akane drily, "you'd realize that that's exactly what it is."

* * *


End file.
